Be your own Dom/Domme!

I´m actually surprised that a lot of Doms/Dommes look at other Doms/Dommes when it comes to behaviour. Some go even so far to almost completely mimic another Dom/Domme. This isn´t just about behaviour, sometimes it´s also about style and the items they use. I don´t think there´s anything wrong to be inspired by someone else but to just imitate another Dom/Domme is quite sad!


Of course there´s nothing wrong with asking for advice and you can actually learn a lot from more experienced Doms/Dommes. The problem is that sometimes people don´t look for advice but just someone to imitate, something I don´t support! There is enough creativity around to get your own ideas and make your own path in BDSM as a Dom/Domme.


The trick of finding your own way is to experiment, find out what you like and what you want. If you stick with one thing then that will keep you limited with ideas and that makes it harder to be creative. That doesn´t mean that you have to force yourself into situations or do things you don´t want to do, but try to figure out what you want and often that means exploring.


This isn´t about respect, but it´s about you as a Dom/Domme making your own mark on the world and even when you keep your dominant side in the bedroom then it´s still nice that you got your own style and your own way of doing things. I think as a Dom/Domme you grow by finding your own path in BDSM, you learn and you experience new things which hopefully leads to more knowledge and fun during sessions.


It´s easy to imitate someone else, anyone could do that. But it actually takes courage to figure things out yourself, to find out what you want and what you like. It helps if someone else helps you, there´s no need to do everything on your own. But eventually it does come down to you making up your own mind, for example what kind of Dom/Domme you want to be.

Professional or just for fun?

It´s a question you´ll get every now and then as a Dom/Domme, are you a professional or just for fun? When I tell that person that I´m a professional Domme then some people don´t always understand what that exactly means. I can´t speak for every Dom/Domme but it usually means you pay to play and it also means that it´s BDSM and not sex! I know some Doms/Dommes have different rules, but a lot of professional Doms/Dommes don´t have sex with their subs.


Perhaps you might get the idea that it´s better to be with a Dom/Domme who just does it for fun. But don´t forget that there is a good chance that this is someone who isn´t familiar with BDSM and that this isn´t a guarantee for sex. I would like to add that there are a lot of Doms/Dommes out there that aren´t professional but do know their stuff about BDSM, so it´s not like only a pro knows what´s best.


I know that there are people that say that professional Doms/Dommes are stuck up assholes, which might sometimes be true but that doesn´t describe everyone! But there are definitely some people out there that give other Doms/Dommes a bad name. Just remember that people that talk big online aren´t always that interesting as they pretend to be, usually the more noise they make the bigger the chance that this is just someone that needs attention.


I don´t really understand the need for hate when it comes to professional or not, we´re all enjoying BDSM so does it really matter? I´m not saying we should all be friends but why the hostility towards someone else just because they´re not professional? Not professional doesn´t mean bad, it actually means that you don´t pay to play.


As a new sub you might want to start with a professional Dom/Domme, I think that this person can help you out getting familiar with BDSM. But if you don´t feel like spending money on a session then you can always try to find a friendly Dom/Domme that just does it for fun. But these might be more rare then you think!

Sex with your clothes on!

I know that some people are quick with getting their clothes off but think about it, when you wear something sexy then why hurry to get out of that? I don´t know about you but I find a body in latex way hotter than just a naked body, because in my opinion a naked body isn´t that attractive just like that. Maybe one of the reasons why some people prefer to have sex with the lights off....


In case you don´t understand how you can have sex with your clothes on then I will point you to the nearest fetish shop and buy clothes with holes in the right places so you enjoy a sexy outfit and still be able to get more intimate. Not only does this look good, it also feels good!


Did you know that some women prefer to keep their clothes on when someone fingers them? The same counts for guys that like to feel their erection pressed against latex or leather and then their partner get busy with that. If you don´t like that then that´s probably not going to cause problems, but I can recommend giving it a try!


One thing you might want to be careful with, especially guys that ejaculate inside their latex suit might have something nasty to clean up. If you don´t care about that then by all means do whatever you like, otherwise you might want to have an emergency zipper to unload before it´s too late. As I mentioned before a lot of fetish outfits have holes in all the right places.


Do clothes make you more attractive? I think they can definitely add to your look, I mean a lot of people look hot in latex and even when you´re not confident with your looks you can boost your appearance and hopefully with that your confidence. Just be careful that people don´t want to have sex with you just because you look hot in an outfit, if that´s the main reason why someone wants sex with you then that might be someone you want to avoid. Unless you´re ok with that, then by all means do whatever makes you happy!

Online domination is fake?

These days it´s nothing new, online domination. It´s the perfect way for Doms/Dommes to reach people that live too far away for a visit, but how effective is it? Could you call online domination truly domination?


I think most Doms/Dommes prefer to get their hands on their sub(s), this isn´t just more fun but it also creates a stronger bond between Dom/Domme and sub. But that doesn´t mean that online domination is fake or doesn´t mean a thing! On the contrary, it can also create a strong bond between a Dom/Domme and sub. However this bond is one strongly based on trust, especially if the contact is only via messages.


Isn´t trust always a part of the bond between a Dom/Domme and sub? It is, but there´s more to it if you meet eachother in person. When you haven´t met eachother then trust becomes an even more important factor in the bond, because it´s all you have at that point. Everything that is being said can be false, it´s difficult to check when you can´t even see eachother. But lies will eventually be discovered, it´s just a shame to waste time on such a thing. Which is why trust is usually earned and not automaticly given.


Online domination can be a powerful thing, but it can only be as strong as you let it become. If you taint it with lies or deception then it won´t hold. But the same could be said in a session, the difference is that you have a better chance to see through the lies when you meet someone in person. Eventhough some people are pretty good liars.


As much as you want to doubt people or assume that people lie it´s not the best way of handling it, when someone treats you with respect and is honest to you then you can always give someone a chance. If his or her words are truly honest remains to be seen, but to judge someone so quickly is a bit harsh. It´s not like you want to reveal everything at once, trust must be earned and so a strong bond can be formed if you give it time. This can lead to pleasant conversations and a powerful connection with the other.


Online domination isn´t fake, it´s just a different way of communicating with your subs and in a time with modern technology that isn´t a bad thing. Just remember that online people could claim to be anyone, it´s the trick to find someone worth talking to. In the end it´s still better to meet people in person, but online domination can be a good alternative. Especially when you meet people that live far away and with whom you have a good connection. It might be a challenge but if the bond between you two is strong then I´m certain that you can explore further than just pleasant conversations.

Into BDSM for attention?

You might assume that most people that you find in the BDSM scene are in it because they like it, but you´d be wrong to think that because there are also people that do it for attention. Does that sound weird to you? Maybe, but let´s not forget that people sometimes do the weirdest things to get attention so perhaps it´s not that weird.


Is it a bad thing to be into BDSM for attention? I´m pretty certain that some people will say yes but when people admit that they´re in it for attention then that makes it a bit more acceptable in my opinion. Why? Because then you know why they´re into BDSM and then it´s up to you if you want to have anything to do with him or her. But I can definitely understand that some people find it annoying that some people would get into BDSM for attention.


Let´s not forget that we all have our own reasons for our actions, maybe not all reasons are considered as valid but does that make them wrong? I guess that´s also a matter of opinion, but why hate people that have a different reason to get into BDSM? Perhaps they like it so much that it becomes more than just a way to look for attention. Don´t be too quick with your opinion!


That doesn´t mean that everyone that is into BDSM for attention is a lovely person you want to get familiar with, but instead of hating you can also ignore them. You don´t have to like everyone, you don´t have to get along with everyone and you definitely don´t have to be friends with everyone.


It sucks though if someone you like turns out to be into BDSM for attention, especially if this person didn´t admit this to you in the first place. Perhaps you can talk about it, maybe his or her reasons to get into BDSM have changed or perhaps there is more to it. I´m not saying that it´s ok, but sometimes people have their reasons and if you don´t try to understand then what´s the point in trying to connect with others?

Talking about your kinky side

When you´re in a relationship it might be difficult to talk about your kinky side, especially when he or she has no idea you´re into that and as far as you know he or she isn´t into kink. This doesn´t mean that you should keep that side of you hidden, but if you´re going to tell him or her about your kinky side then you want to do it right!


First of all be honest, you can lie and pretend that nothing is wrong but keeping something like this hidden from your partner is just going to make your miserable in the long run and that usually doesn´t lead to happiness! Which is why it´s a good idea to talk about it, that doesn´t mean start suggesting things but just be open about what you like and what you´re into. This can be difficult and it would definitely be easier to keep it hidden, but it´s better to be honest and it might even open up new doors in your relationship.


Telling someone about your kinky side is revealing a part of yourself, which means you don´t do that to just everyone. I´m talking about having a certain level of trust with someone before you reveal your kinky side and once you reveal you can´t take it back. So be certain that you´re ready to talk about it, if you feel like you can´t tell your partner then you might want to look at your relationship and wonder how strong it is because if you can´t be honest with the person you love then that is saying something about your relationship!


Once you told your partner about your kinky side then that doesn´t automaticly mean that he or she will want something to do with that, so making suggestions that you could do something kinky together might be a mistake. Maybe some people would be ok with that but I´m pretty certain that not everyone would be ok with that, so you might want to take it easy. If someone is open for something spicy then it´s still a good idea to take it easy, make certain that it´s fun and not too extreme. If you want to introduce your partner to kink you don´t want to scare him or her away, but you want to interest them and hopefully that will lead to some more kink in your relationship. If not then you have to ask yourself if that´s ok with you, because if you need kink in your life then it´s difficult to stay with someone that hates it. It´s not impossible but it will be difficult.

Stick to the rules!

It´s a simple rule, stick to the rules! But you´d be surprised how many people try to break the rules. Maybe you´re one of those people that lives by the rules are meant to be broken motto, but in BDSM rules are there for a reason and not meant to be broken!


When a Dom/Domme doesn´t want to be touched then a sub shouldn´t try the patience of his or her Dom/Domme by trying to do it anyway. I know that not everyone is trying to be annoying, sometimes subs are just trying to be playful and provoke a Dom/Domme a bit hoping to be punished for that. But it´s a good idea to keep that to a minimum when you know that your Dom/Domme doesn´t like disobedience.


Not every Dom/Domme is that strict though, some might actually be more flexible. This isn´t a bad thing, but it might create some confusion because if you let one thing slide then what about the next thing and so on? Being strict with rules keeps it simple and keeping things simple is smart because that keeps things under control. I´d say as a Dom/Domme you want to keep things under control.


A lot of Doms/Dommes make rules, usually these rules are pretty standard but sometimes Dom/Dommes have some personal rules and as a sub you will have to stick to those rules. If you don´t want that then you´re probably not going to fit with that Dom/Domme and it´s better to move on. Because staying with someone that doesn´t fit well with you seems like a waste of time for you and for your Dom/Domme.


As a sub you can of course talk about the rules, I´d say giving your opinion is a good thing and maybe you can find a compromise when a sub isn´t a big fan of one or more rules. But remember that a Dom/Domme usually has these rules for a reason, so don´t expect any big changes. Rules keep a session fun and safe, both very important in BDSM!