Be your own Dom/Domme!

I´m actually surprised that a lot of Doms/Dommes look at other Doms/Dommes when it comes to behaviour. Some go even so far to almost completely mimic another Dom/Domme. This isn´t just about behaviour, sometimes it´s also about style and the items they use. I don´t think there´s anything wrong to be inspired by someone else but to just imitate another Dom/Domme is quite sad!


Of course there´s nothing wrong with asking for advice and you can actually learn a lot from more experienced Doms/Dommes. The problem is that sometimes people don´t look for advice but just someone to imitate, something I don´t support! There is enough creativity around to get your own ideas and make your own path in BDSM as a Dom/Domme.


The trick of finding your own way is to experiment, find out what you like and what you want. If you stick with one thing then that will keep you limited with ideas and that makes it harder to be creative. That doesn´t mean that you have to force yourself into situations or do things you don´t want to do, but try to figure out what you want and often that means exploring.


This isn´t about respect, but it´s about you as a Dom/Domme making your own mark on the world and even when you keep your dominant side in the bedroom then it´s still nice that you got your own style and your own way of doing things. I think as a Dom/Domme you grow by finding your own path in BDSM, you learn and you experience new things which hopefully leads to more knowledge and fun during sessions.


It´s easy to imitate someone else, anyone could do that. But it actually takes courage to figure things out yourself, to find out what you want and what you like. It helps if someone else helps you, there´s no need to do everything on your own. But eventually it does come down to you making up your own mind, for example what kind of Dom/Domme you want to be.

Professional or just for fun?

It´s a question you´ll get every now and then as a Dom/Domme, are you a professional or just for fun? When I tell that person that I´m a professional Domme then some people don´t always understand what that exactly means. I can´t speak for every Dom/Domme but it usually means you pay to play and it also means that it´s BDSM and not sex! I know some Doms/Dommes have different rules, but a lot of professional Doms/Dommes don´t have sex with their subs.


Perhaps you might get the idea that it´s better to be with a Dom/Domme who just does it for fun. But don´t forget that there is a good chance that this is someone who isn´t familiar with BDSM and that this isn´t a guarantee for sex. I would like to add that there are a lot of Doms/Dommes out there that aren´t professional but do know their stuff about BDSM, so it´s not like only a pro knows what´s best.


I know that there are people that say that professional Doms/Dommes are stuck up assholes, which might sometimes be true but that doesn´t describe everyone! But there are definitely some people out there that give other Doms/Dommes a bad name. Just remember that people that talk big online aren´t always that interesting as they pretend to be, usually the more noise they make the bigger the chance that this is just someone that needs attention.


I don´t really understand the need for hate when it comes to professional or not, we´re all enjoying BDSM so does it really matter? I´m not saying we should all be friends but why the hostility towards someone else just because they´re not professional? Not professional doesn´t mean bad, it actually means that you don´t pay to play.


As a new sub you might want to start with a professional Dom/Domme, I think that this person can help you out getting familiar with BDSM. But if you don´t feel like spending money on a session then you can always try to find a friendly Dom/Domme that just does it for fun. But these might be more rare then you think!

Sex with your clothes on!

I know that some people are quick with getting their clothes off but think about it, when you wear something sexy then why hurry to get out of that? I don´t know about you but I find a body in latex way hotter than just a naked body, because in my opinion a naked body isn´t that attractive just like that. Maybe one of the reasons why some people prefer to have sex with the lights off....


In case you don´t understand how you can have sex with your clothes on then I will point you to the nearest fetish shop and buy clothes with holes in the right places so you enjoy a sexy outfit and still be able to get more intimate. Not only does this look good, it also feels good!


Did you know that some women prefer to keep their clothes on when someone fingers them? The same counts for guys that like to feel their erection pressed against latex or leather and then their partner get busy with that. If you don´t like that then that´s probably not going to cause problems, but I can recommend giving it a try!


One thing you might want to be careful with, especially guys that ejaculate inside their latex suit might have something nasty to clean up. If you don´t care about that then by all means do whatever you like, otherwise you might want to have an emergency zipper to unload before it´s too late. As I mentioned before a lot of fetish outfits have holes in all the right places.


Do clothes make you more attractive? I think they can definitely add to your look, I mean a lot of people look hot in latex and even when you´re not confident with your looks you can boost your appearance and hopefully with that your confidence. Just be careful that people don´t want to have sex with you just because you look hot in an outfit, if that´s the main reason why someone wants sex with you then that might be someone you want to avoid. Unless you´re ok with that, then by all means do whatever makes you happy!

Online domination is fake?

These days it´s nothing new, online domination. It´s the perfect way for Doms/Dommes to reach people that live too far away for a visit, but how effective is it? Could you call online domination truly domination?


I think most Doms/Dommes prefer to get their hands on their sub(s), this isn´t just more fun but it also creates a stronger bond between Dom/Domme and sub. But that doesn´t mean that online domination is fake or doesn´t mean a thing! On the contrary, it can also create a strong bond between a Dom/Domme and sub. However this bond is one strongly based on trust, especially if the contact is only via messages.


Isn´t trust always a part of the bond between a Dom/Domme and sub? It is, but there´s more to it if you meet eachother in person. When you haven´t met eachother then trust becomes an even more important factor in the bond, because it´s all you have at that point. Everything that is being said can be false, it´s difficult to check when you can´t even see eachother. But lies will eventually be discovered, it´s just a shame to waste time on such a thing. Which is why trust is usually earned and not automaticly given.


Online domination can be a powerful thing, but it can only be as strong as you let it become. If you taint it with lies or deception then it won´t hold. But the same could be said in a session, the difference is that you have a better chance to see through the lies when you meet someone in person. Eventhough some people are pretty good liars.


As much as you want to doubt people or assume that people lie it´s not the best way of handling it, when someone treats you with respect and is honest to you then you can always give someone a chance. If his or her words are truly honest remains to be seen, but to judge someone so quickly is a bit harsh. It´s not like you want to reveal everything at once, trust must be earned and so a strong bond can be formed if you give it time. This can lead to pleasant conversations and a powerful connection with the other.


Online domination isn´t fake, it´s just a different way of communicating with your subs and in a time with modern technology that isn´t a bad thing. Just remember that online people could claim to be anyone, it´s the trick to find someone worth talking to. In the end it´s still better to meet people in person, but online domination can be a good alternative. Especially when you meet people that live far away and with whom you have a good connection. It might be a challenge but if the bond between you two is strong then I´m certain that you can explore further than just pleasant conversations.

Into BDSM for attention?

You might assume that most people that you find in the BDSM scene are in it because they like it, but you´d be wrong to think that because there are also people that do it for attention. Does that sound weird to you? Maybe, but let´s not forget that people sometimes do the weirdest things to get attention so perhaps it´s not that weird.


Is it a bad thing to be into BDSM for attention? I´m pretty certain that some people will say yes but when people admit that they´re in it for attention then that makes it a bit more acceptable in my opinion. Why? Because then you know why they´re into BDSM and then it´s up to you if you want to have anything to do with him or her. But I can definitely understand that some people find it annoying that some people would get into BDSM for attention.


Let´s not forget that we all have our own reasons for our actions, maybe not all reasons are considered as valid but does that make them wrong? I guess that´s also a matter of opinion, but why hate people that have a different reason to get into BDSM? Perhaps they like it so much that it becomes more than just a way to look for attention. Don´t be too quick with your opinion!


That doesn´t mean that everyone that is into BDSM for attention is a lovely person you want to get familiar with, but instead of hating you can also ignore them. You don´t have to like everyone, you don´t have to get along with everyone and you definitely don´t have to be friends with everyone.


It sucks though if someone you like turns out to be into BDSM for attention, especially if this person didn´t admit this to you in the first place. Perhaps you can talk about it, maybe his or her reasons to get into BDSM have changed or perhaps there is more to it. I´m not saying that it´s ok, but sometimes people have their reasons and if you don´t try to understand then what´s the point in trying to connect with others?

Talking about your kinky side

When you´re in a relationship it might be difficult to talk about your kinky side, especially when he or she has no idea you´re into that and as far as you know he or she isn´t into kink. This doesn´t mean that you should keep that side of you hidden, but if you´re going to tell him or her about your kinky side then you want to do it right!


First of all be honest, you can lie and pretend that nothing is wrong but keeping something like this hidden from your partner is just going to make your miserable in the long run and that usually doesn´t lead to happiness! Which is why it´s a good idea to talk about it, that doesn´t mean start suggesting things but just be open about what you like and what you´re into. This can be difficult and it would definitely be easier to keep it hidden, but it´s better to be honest and it might even open up new doors in your relationship.


Telling someone about your kinky side is revealing a part of yourself, which means you don´t do that to just everyone. I´m talking about having a certain level of trust with someone before you reveal your kinky side and once you reveal you can´t take it back. So be certain that you´re ready to talk about it, if you feel like you can´t tell your partner then you might want to look at your relationship and wonder how strong it is because if you can´t be honest with the person you love then that is saying something about your relationship!


Once you told your partner about your kinky side then that doesn´t automaticly mean that he or she will want something to do with that, so making suggestions that you could do something kinky together might be a mistake. Maybe some people would be ok with that but I´m pretty certain that not everyone would be ok with that, so you might want to take it easy. If someone is open for something spicy then it´s still a good idea to take it easy, make certain that it´s fun and not too extreme. If you want to introduce your partner to kink you don´t want to scare him or her away, but you want to interest them and hopefully that will lead to some more kink in your relationship. If not then you have to ask yourself if that´s ok with you, because if you need kink in your life then it´s difficult to stay with someone that hates it. It´s not impossible but it will be difficult.

Stick to the rules!

It´s a simple rule, stick to the rules! But you´d be surprised how many people try to break the rules. Maybe you´re one of those people that lives by the rules are meant to be broken motto, but in BDSM rules are there for a reason and not meant to be broken!


When a Dom/Domme doesn´t want to be touched then a sub shouldn´t try the patience of his or her Dom/Domme by trying to do it anyway. I know that not everyone is trying to be annoying, sometimes subs are just trying to be playful and provoke a Dom/Domme a bit hoping to be punished for that. But it´s a good idea to keep that to a minimum when you know that your Dom/Domme doesn´t like disobedience.


Not every Dom/Domme is that strict though, some might actually be more flexible. This isn´t a bad thing, but it might create some confusion because if you let one thing slide then what about the next thing and so on? Being strict with rules keeps it simple and keeping things simple is smart because that keeps things under control. I´d say as a Dom/Domme you want to keep things under control.


A lot of Doms/Dommes make rules, usually these rules are pretty standard but sometimes Dom/Dommes have some personal rules and as a sub you will have to stick to those rules. If you don´t want that then you´re probably not going to fit with that Dom/Domme and it´s better to move on. Because staying with someone that doesn´t fit well with you seems like a waste of time for you and for your Dom/Domme.


As a sub you can of course talk about the rules, I´d say giving your opinion is a good thing and maybe you can find a compromise when a sub isn´t a big fan of one or more rules. But remember that a Dom/Domme usually has these rules for a reason, so don´t expect any big changes. Rules keep a session fun and safe, both very important in BDSM!

As a Dom/Domme where do you draw the line?

To be honest I´d say that´s up to you, because we all have our own limits and I don´t think that one limit applies to all of us. But there are definitely lines that you shouldn´t cross, for example when you´re a professional Dom/Domme you don´t have sex with your subs. If the temptation becomes too strong for you then it´s better that you stop with the session, you can talk about it with this sub and if the feelings are mutual then you can always start a relationship with this sub. It´s not impossible!


Sometimes subs try to seek out where the line is, for example sometimes there are subs that will ask for a handjob. Is that the same as sex? Not exactly but it´s still something that I wouldn´t do, if there are Doms/Dommes out there that would do that then that´s their business. As a Dom/Domme you could ask yourself if a handjob fits in your session, the same counts for subs that want to be fingered. I know that some Doms/Dommes decide when a sub is allowed to ejaculate but you don´t need to have your hands on for that!


A fetish that isn´t accepted by a lot of people is the golden shower, it´s not a surprise that subs are reluctant to talk about that when they´re interested in that. Once again it´s up to you if you´re interested in that, don´t do something you´re not comfortable with because that doesn´t make anyone happy. It´s better to refuse than to give a sub false hope. It´s smart to first talk with a sub before you start a session, especially if this is someone you don´t know much about. Hopefully this keeps confusion and misunderstandings out of the session.


There are also Doms/Dommes that don´t handle blood that well, this is nothing to be ashamed for and it´s better to be honest about this than to put yourself through something you don´t want and/or like! I seriously doubt a sub will think less of you because you don´t like blood, but this should also be something you should talk about before you start the session!


Unfortunately things can get much worse, for example some people like to include animals in a BDSM session. I don´t like that at all! I doubt that there are a lot of Doms/Dommes out there that want to do that. There is nothing wrong with making suggestions but sometimes it´s better to keep certain things to yourself, especially if you don´t know eachother that well. Of course things can get even creepier or weirder but I think you got the idea.


Don´t be afraid to say no, wether you´re a Dom/Domme or a sub. If you´re uncertain about something then don´t do it, it´s better to be safe than sorry! If you´re really curious about something then you can always do some research, there is nothing wrong with that. I would suggest that you stick with what you know and what you like, that usually leads to a good session and a lot of fun!

Taking a Dom/Domme seriously

Are you familiar with certain people online claiming to be a Dom/Domme and expect you to give them respect just because of that? Maybe if you´re a sub you´re even more familiar with these type of people online, because they expect you to serve them just because you´re a sub and he or she considers herself as a Dom/Domme. It´s stupid but unfortunately this happens!


What´s probably the worst part is that some subs actually take these ´Doms/Dommes´ serious and think that they´re really a Dom/Domme. People that expect you to give them respect just like that are idiots, the same counts for people that think they can boss you around because he or she calls himself or herself a Dom/Domme. The good thing about online communication is that you can easily block and ignore people, which makes these annoying wannabe Doms/Dommes nothing but a minor nuisance.


That doesn´t make them less annoying though, because they don´t learn anything and keep doing what they do best and that´s being stupid. I guess you can´t keep people like that from showing up in certain sites, especially when they have succes with their tricks. Perhaps you don´t see the problems with these people but they give real Doms/Dommes a bad name and that´s not a good thing!


Your first experience with BDSM is important, because a bad experience can have a big negative impact on you. These wannabe Doms/Dommes are not a good way to get familiar with BDSM and might even give the wrong impression to people that are new to BDSM. It doesn´t take an expert to figure out that these wannabes are full of shit but you´d be surprised how convincing some people can be, especially to people who have very little to no experience with BDSM.


The bond between a Dom/Domme and sub is important. Having these wannabes ruin that isn´t a good thing. Even when some subs won´t fall for it, it´s still bad that these people influence others. My advince is to be careful, don´t fall for the first Dom/Domme that talks to you and definitely don´t do anything that seems strange to you. Trust must be earned and not automaticly given!

Your fantasy

We all have a fantasy, well maybe some have more than one but let´s assume that we all have at least one fantasy and that´s the one thing that would make you very happy or turn you on. But what should you do with that fantasy?


It´s easy to say that you should try to make your fantasy reality, because the moment you do that it´s not your fantasy anymore but reality and reality isn´t always as nice as your fantasy. Which means you could ruin your fantasy by trying to make it reality. That kind of raises the question if it´s a good idea to make your fantasy become reality, because you don´t want to ruin your fantasy! So what do you do? You do nothing or do you carefully try to see if it´s possible to make your fantasy become reality?


I´m not trying to scare you here, if you have a fantasy and I really do mean a fantasy and not just something that turns you on then it would be nice if that could become reality. But you should be careful, because it´s easy to ruin your fantasy and that might have some serious consequences for your fantasy. You could ruin it in such a way that you want nothing to do with that fantasy, which is a shame because you should cherish your fantasy and not abuse it or waste it!


So what do you do? First of all you look if it´s possible to see your fantasy become reality, this can be harsh but it´s important that you realize if it´s possible or not because otherwise it would just be a waste of time to try and make it reality. This means that you´ll have to be honest and not try to make it work whatever the cost. If it is possible then it comes down to finding someone that is willing to make that fantasy come true with you, that might be the tricky part because what one person likes the other might not like and not everyone is willing to be a part of your fantasy. You don´t want to force people to do anything and if they´re truly sincere in making your fantasy become reality then that´s one step closer to seeing it become reality. But don´t let that make you greedy and ask for more or change things, be clear in what you want and respect the opinion of someone else. Which means that some people are willing to be a part of that but with certain conditions, if you can´t accept that then be honest about it!


Is it better to keep your fantasy as a fantasy? Sometimes it is, but it really depends on what your fantasy is. Sometimes it´s not that difficult to make it reality but unfortunately not everyone has a fantasy that is simple. So don´t be surprised if your fantasy will remain a fantasy, perhaps that is sometimes for the best. That doesn´t mean you can´t enjoy life or that you haven´t fully lived! Life is what you make of it!

Being a Dom/Domme

It´s easy to say that you´re a Dom/Domme, especially online when anyone could be whatever he or she says. But who says that you are who you say you are? I´m not even talking about men pretending to be women, I´m talking about someone who says he or she is a Dom/Domme while this person isn´t and probably has no idea what it means to be a Dom/Domme.


What really bothers me is that there are subs out there that fall for nonsense these fake Doms/Dommes tell them. Why does it bother me? Because of these fake Doms/Dommes people get the wrong idea and it hurts the BDSM community in the process, sure one or two people don´t make a difference but there are a lot of fake Doms/Dommes out there and that´s not a good thing!


Eventually these fake Doms/Dommes will make mistakes and even a new sub will sooner or later figure out that someone is fake, but it sucks that your first experience with BDSM is tied to lies and stupidity. Worst case scenario would be that it makes you dislike BDSM or makes you hesitiate to continue with BDSM, just because someone ruined it for you. Don´t give up so soon though! Because it´s worth investigating!


Being a Dom/Domme is so much more than holding a whip in your hand and shouting commands, it´s actually quite sad that there are people that think that this sums it all up. BDSM is an experience you can share with others and together you can make magic, no not the type you see in the Harry Potter movies but incredible things that you wouldn´t experience in your every day life. Is that still a bit vague? Good, because if I tell you exactly what it means then what is there left for you to discover!


What I see a lot of fake Doms/Dommes do online is act like an asshole and then expect others to respect you, I don´t know where this works but it fails in most situations. As a Dom/Domme you earn respect and that doesn´t happen by acting like an asshole towards everyone else. Also don´t expect people to always agree with you, just because you´re a Dom/Domme doesn´t mean that everything you say is the truth. The worst thing is when certain people bring their personal drama online, which might be fun for some to read but when you´re trying to talk about things that actually matter it can be quite annoying!


In the end you are your own type of Dom/Domme, there is no need to act in a certain way or else you´re not really a Dom/Domme. You don´t have to wear latex or leather, you don´t even have to use a whip! Just be yourself and if you´re truly a Dom/Domme then that´s all you need to be a Dom/Domme. You don´t wake up one day and decide to be a Dom/Domme, you´re born as one and even when you don´t realize that at first that doesn´t make you less of a Dom/Domme then those that do realize that.

Leather everywhere!

Have you noticed how more and more people wear leather? Not just for a special occasion but also for casual situations, which is quite interesting to me. I love leather and prefer to wear it every day, but there are situations where it´s probably not that appropriate. I doubt you can wear leather with every job and even when you could then it´s not always a smart idea when your leather clothing can get dirty or even damaged while working. So there is usually a time and a place for leather clothing!


It´s interesting though how some days are leather days and other days aren´t. Maybe that sounds odd to you so I´ll explain. A leather day is for me a day when I see several people wearing leather clothing. Maybe this doesn´t seem special to you but there was a time when I only had a couple of leather days in a year, but now it´s close to at least once a week! I don´t count my own leather clothing for a leather day and there have to be at least fiver different people wearing leather clothing, otherwise I wouldn´t consider it a leather day.


So why is leather so popular? Speaking from personal experience I´d say that it keeps you warm when it cold, it also feels and look great! Enough reason to wear some leather clothing! Unfortunately it´s not always the right weather for that, but in a mild Winter there is a good chance to see more people wear leather clothing and then everyone with a leather fetish will have a great time looking at some interesting outfits.


The worst time of the year would be Summer when hardly anyone wears leather, at least not outside, and when it´s almost impossible to wear leather yourself. If you do feel like wearing it then you´re in for a sticky surprise! But I guess that´s where the leather fanatics separate themselves from the leather lovers. I wouldn´t blame anyone for leaving their leather clothing in the closet when it´s warm, sometimes it feels like it´s hardly worth the sweat. But that makes times like these, Winter, more precious and also more likely for you to find others like you that also love to wear leather.

Do you have to be dominant in everything you do?

That´s up to you, but there isn´t a rule that you have to be dominant 24/7. For example when you go out with friends you don´t have to behave in a certain way, because you don´t play dominant as a role that´s the type of person who you are. So this means you don´t behave in a certain way because it´s expected of you, you behave in a certain way because that´s who you are!


If people don´t like your behaviour then that´s too bad, because you don´t have to pretend to be someone you´re not! But it´s not a bad thing to keep the dominant side a bit under control, as much as you feel like whipping your friends I doubt that most of them wouldn´t really appreciate that. But being dominant isn´t restricted to wielding a whip. I doubt that being dominant is put into just a couple of words, there are so many ways of expressing yourself and we all have our own ways of doing that. Besides there isn´t always a need to express yourself with dominant behaviour, a Dom/Domme likes to relax as well every now and then!


Some people do expect a lot from a Dom/Domme, which then sometimes leads to disappointment for this person because Doms/Dommes are people too and don´t always live up to certain ideas. As a Dom/Domme there is very little you can do about that, because when someone steps into a session with certain expectations then there is a good chance that he or she will be disappointed. Don´t try to live up to certain expectations, do what you always do and what works for you. Of course it´s not a bad thing to break the routine, that keeps things interesting.


Could you pick a Dom/Domme from a group of people? Maybe some people can, it´s not like a Dom/Domme has a sign on his or her head but body language can say a lot and social behaviour can say even more about a person. It´s the trick to pick up on that, while certain things are quite obvious other things can be easily overlooked if you don´t know what to look for. That doesn´t mean you should behave differently around people that don´t know about your life as a Dom/Domme. Even when they don´t know about your Dom/Domme side they probably know you as a dominant person, it doesn´t have to mean anything to them and things start to get suspecious when you suddenly behave differently. Just be yourself!

A spicy year?

Lately I´ve noticed the amount of latex and leather on tv, I´m not talking about movies or series but just people wearing this. Maybe this isn´t something special to you but I find this quite interesting, because there was a time and a place people weren´t that comfortable showing this kinky side. Somehow people are less worried about that or it´s just more accepted to wear less casual clothing, which is still a good thing!


I noticed politicians wearing leather pants and skirts, sometimes even leather jackets. Then there are some that wear high heels and combine that with a short skirt. This counts for the women, somehow they have more balls then their male colleagues. But it´s not just politicians, it´s in talkshows or even reporters. I´m not saying all of them but there are some that are quite expressive with their choice of clothes, something that is definitely nice to see.


But what does this mean? It doesn´t have to mean anything, I mean what one or two people wear on tv doesn´t mean much. But I do find it interesting that this is allowed, because I doubt everyone would appreciate or accept a style like that. So when a woman appears on tv wearing a shiny leather skirt then I can´t help but be less focused on the news she´s telling me and more focused on what she´s wearing. So it might distract but that´s a distraction I don´t mind. Besides it´s nice to see that there are more people that like to wear latex and leather, especially in public.


Does this mean people that wear latex or leather are automaticly into BDSM? Of course not! But that won´t stop people from speculating or maybe even having fantasies about certain people they´ve seen in latex or leather. I guess that´s to be expected if you show yourself in something like that, but I wonder if everyone is happy with that. I guess it doesn´t really matter, as long as it makes you feel good then who really cares what others think of your style in clothing!

It´s all about sex?

It seems a lot of dating sites and also fetish sites are full with profiles of people that are looking for sex. Not that there is anything wrong with sex but if that´s the main reason for looking for someone else then you might be having a rough time finding someone. But that doesn´t stop people from trying, sometimes desperately showing nude pictures hoping this will speed things up. Unfortunately for them it doesn´t!


To be honest I don´t care about dating sites but it bothers me that this is also on fetish sites, showing your private parts isn´t hot and it´s not a fetish! It´s just some desperate attempt to get some attention. I´m not talking about people that have nude pictures on their profile, I´m talking about people that have a nude picture as their profile picture. Which means every time this person sends a message or comments somewhere there is more of that atrocity out there, which is definitely not a good thing!


But it doesn´t stop at these nude pictures, there are also people that have to post pictures where they have sex with someone else. Is that a fetish? I guess some would claim it is but I can´t help but find it sad, probably because that´s one of the few times they got laid and immediately had to make a picture of it. Maybe some people make an art out of it but that´s definitely not the majority out there, it´s some juvenile load of bollocks!


As much as I hate it that´s probably as much as the majority likes it, because somehow these pictures get thousands of like and that probably also says a bit of the community on a fetish site. There was a time and a place that I thought it was where people could talk about their fetish and share interests with eachother. Now it seems more and more like it´s a place to find someone to have sex with and show off having sex with others. What the hell happened?!!!!


In a professional session with a Dominatrix you don´t even have sex! I guess it becomes even more rare to find like minded people out there, because the majority out there has other priorities and that´s perfectly fine with me but why does that have to be portrayed on fetish sites? I think there are plenty of porn sites where you can put all your sex pictures and leave everything fetish related for the fetish sites. It´s just a thought, one that clearly has not much support out there....

Mind your own business!

It´s nice when people care about you, but sometimes this means that they´ll decide what´s best for you. This is something that´s not nice! It could be something small like what you wear or your hair style, up to the point where someone decides if you can go outside or not. Maybe this is part of a D/s relationship but there should be limits, I mean if someone completely controls you then that´s not healthy. I mean what if he or she tells you that you can´t talk to your family or friends anymore, is that ok with you?


So you should have some clear rules in a D/s relationship, which keeps things safe and fun for both of you. It might seem silly to some but to think that a D/s relationship can´t go wrong is truly silly. I don´t want to sound like a pessimist but it´s just realistic that people change, even when at first someone seemed nice that doesn´t mean that things are going to stay that way forever. Of course it´s nice when things go well and it might seem silly to talk about certain things, but if you want to have a D/s relationship with someone then things can get complicated and it´s better to talk about certain things early in the relationship.


What´s important in a D/s relationship? I think rules are important, things that are ok and things that aren´t ok. It´s also important that you trust eachother, just like in a standard relationship this is important and without trust you really have to ask yourself if this is someone you want to be with. I´m not telling you anything new here but you can´t expect people to go along with everything, no matter how much someone cares about you that doesn´t mean that he or she is in for everything. Maybe there are people who are but I wouldn´t expect this from everyone and definitely not expect this from someone without asking!


Give eachother space, as much as you might care about someone you don´t want to smother someone to death with attention or affection. At first this might seem cute but it gets old real fast! Is it wrong to care? Of course not! But too much of something isn´t a good thing. Sometimes you mean well but not everyone well accept that, so communication should definitely help with figuring out what you and your partner want in the relationship. Communication is the key to a succesful relationship, a D/s relationship isn´t an exception!

Why is latex not accepted like leather?

First of all leather isn´t accepted by everyone, if you walk around with leather pants then people will still stare at you. Mostly because it looks hot but probably also because it´s quite rare to see that in your average day village or small town, even in a (big) city this isn´t always common eventhough it might be more common if it gets colder. But leather is also identified with bikers or models (sometimes) while latex is often identified with strippers or prostitutes, some also identify it with BDSM and a lot of people don´t want others to know about their involvement with that.


But not everyone that wears latex is into BDSM, right? Exactly, but that doesn´t keep people from passing judgement and since some people are quite vulnertable to what others think of them it keeps them from expressing themselves in fetish clothing like latex. Which is a shame because I wouldn´t mind seeing more latex in public and it would definitely help if people didn´t pay attention to what others think or say about their choice of clothing. It´s your life and you can decide what you wear, it doesn´t have to be jeans and sweaters for everone!


Will latex ever be accepted by people that don´t have a kinky side? Probably not, but weirder things have happened and if latex will ever become hot in the world of fashion then more people will wear it wether they have a kinky side or not. It´s not completely unthinkable but I still consider it to be a small chance for that to actually happen. Especially when people still have a negative view on BDSM so anything related to BDSM is probably a bad thing for them as well, even if some are interested they´ll act like sheep and follow eachother in their stupid behaviour.


But this shouldn´t keep you from expressing yourself! It´s cold outside, also inside, so get your latex and leather out of the closet and wear what you want to wear! Who cares what others think or say, it´s your life and you can wear what you want! Besides when it´s cold you have a good excuse to wear latex and/or leather, tell that to the people that walk around in their skinny jeans. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with what you wear, if others can´t stand it then that´s their problem and not yours. You don´t harm anyone with wearing latex or leather, so wear what you like and hopefully you stay warm during these cold months!

Your first time experience determines your future in BDSM?

It probably sounds silly but this happens more often than you think, especially a bad experience can have some serious consequences. Which is why you don´t want to put too much haste into your first session, it´s important that you know what you get yourself into and that you at least have spoken with your Dom/Domme before starting a session. Once again this seems silly but I´ve heard some strange stories, people that get themselves into a mess and regret ever putting themselves in that position.


Also not knowing what to expect might seem hot but it´s just stupid, it can lead to confusion or unpleasant situations. For example someone that expects sex might be in for disappointment and those that thought they would get a slap on the wrists might be in for more then they bargained for. Once again it´s important to communicate, who is your Dom/Domme and what does this person want?  What do you want? What interests you? But also what do you expect to happen in a session? Questions that can help you more than you know, especially if you´re new to BDSM!


But what if you´re a Dom/Domme and your first session is a disaster, does this make you a bad Dom/Domme? It doesn´t have to mean anything, it really depends on you. If you´re nervous then that´s not a bad thing, I think most Doms/Dommes were nervous in their first session and some might still be nervous just before a session (especially if it´s the first time with a new sub). There is nothing wrong with that, but don´t let that control you and just stick to what you know. Don´t let yourself be tricked into doing something you don´t want to do or something that you´re not familiar with. It´s nothing to be ashamed of to say no, no matter what the other might say.


If you feel uncomfortable in the role of being a Dom/Domme then it might be a good idea to ask yourself if this is the right role for you. Because not everyone is cut out for that, which doesn´t mean that you can´t be a Dom/Domme but perhaps it might be smarter to put yourself in a different role. Maybe you´re better as a switch? Which doesn´t make you anything less! Once again rushing yourself into a first session usually doesn´t work well for you, find out what you want and what you like. Then put that next to what you know and what you´re capable of, that should lead to an interesting outcome!

When you´re new to BDSM

I´ve heard it before, usually Doms/Dommes that are quite new to BDSM sometimes worry that they might hurt a sub too much, but even a more experienced Dom/Domme might sometimes have a bit of hesitation. This is nothing to be ashamed of and it´s better to care enough for your sub to consider this than to assume everything is fine and just do what you want to do. Usually a more experienced Dom/Domme will know where the line is, but it´s important that you communicate with your sub(s). This way you know how far you can go and what he or she likes and what not.


Hesitation means you´re not a real Dom/Domme? I find that such nonsense, first of all you´re human so you it´s not considered odd to have hesitations and only if you´d be a machine people would expect you to follow your programming! Don´t force yourself into situations you don´t want to be, so if you don´t feel comfortable doing something then don´t do it! It doesn´t make you less of a Dom/Domme if you have questions, I´d even say it´s a good thing if you have questions because that means you´re willing to learn and that´s never a bad thing!


If you´re new to BDSM then don´t make this a secret, learn from people that have more experience than you and don´t be afraid to ask questions. Use the knowledge that you´ve gathered to form your own opinion on BDSM, things you like and maybe even things you don´t like. We´re not all the same and there isn´t a rule that you have to like everything. Just be yourself and stay true to what you believe in, don´t be someone or something you´re not!


It´s important that you first get to know your sub a bit more, which means communicating and not just accepting people left and right. As a Dom/Domme there are a lot of people that might be interested in serving you but usually only a few are actually serious about that or considered as serious candidates to become someones sub. If you´re a sub and you feel like someone isn´t taking you serious then maybe you should look at how you introduce yourself, are you coming on too strong or maybe you just have other interests than the Dom/Domme you wish to serve.


Of course there is a chance that someone just isn´t interested in accepting new subs, this doesn´t have to do anything with you and you shouldn´t see that as a rejection. It sucks when you´re ignored and someone doesn´t even bother responding to you, but you should sometimes realize that some Doms/Dommes get a lot of messages and it´s easy to sometimes forget to respond to someone. Not everyone has always all the time in the world to respond. If you´re really looking for a Dom/Domme to serve then you might want to look further than the internet, go to BDSM parties or maybe there is even a meet up for kinksters near you. It´s always better to meet people in person, just remember that patience serves you better than trying to rush yourself into someones life. The most important thing is that you´re having fun and it´s even better if you can share this with someone else, it´s not always easy but definitely not impossible!

It´s more fun to be bad?

If you ask an actor then the question is often yes it´s more fun to play the villain, but what about real life? Is it more fun to be bad? I guess that depends what you consider being bad, being naughty isn´t what I consider being bad so everyone with a teasing mood might feel like they´re bad but it´s not exactly the same. Which is why I personally don´t consider being bad to be fun, at least not the type of fun I´d have when I play a game or watch a movie. But sometimes it´s nice to be bad, sometimes....


Does that make you a bad person? I wouldn´t go that far, we all have a dark side and to pretend you´re perfect is just an illusion! But it´s true that some of us have a dark twisted side that dominates the good, which sometimes lead to unpleasant personalities. Which is why it´s a good thing to hold on to something positive, even if you want to give in to the darkness you should hold on to some light. As a Dom/Domme you´re not excused of rules and it doesn´t mean that you can unleash your twisted ideas on a sub. It might seem that way to some, but that´s not how it is!


But what if you want to give in to the darkness? Well don´t! Ok that´s easier said than done, but really as a Dom/Domme you have a responsibility and not just to yourself but also your sub(s). Break the trust between you and your sub(s) and you might never get it back, so why risk it doing something stupid. If you have a rather unusual fantasy then discuss it with your sub, don´t go crazy just like that! A sub should also first check with his or her Dom/Domme about certain ideas or fantasies, nobody likes unpleasant surprises!


To some people good and bad are two sides with different opinions, maybe that´s true but that doesn´t make it ok to just do whatever you like. In the end you don´t want to be alone and miserable? Because if you´re going to act like an idiot then that´s exactly how you´ll end up. Leave the being bad part as a role you play in the bedroom, but nothing more than that. Sure that can be fun, it might even be very hot but remember that it´s just a role even if it feels more to you. Nobody wants you to be really bad, at least most people wouldn´t appreciate it. So you can play the big bad Dom/Domme, just be certain that it´s a role and not a way of life!