Where do you leave your fetish clothes?

This might seem like a stupid question but for some people this is important, because not everyone knows about their kinky side so they can´t just leave them around the house! But you don´t want to stuff them in a corner, just like most of your clothes (that you value) you want to take good care of these fetish clothes. Because ripped fetish clothes might look sexy to you but not to me!


If you share your house with people that don´t know about your kinky side and prefer that they don´t find out then I would suggest to find a good hiding place for your fetish clothes. This doesn´t have to be a hole in the floor where you keep it but maybe a spot in your closet and put some casual clothes on top of them. Depending on the amount of fetish clothes you might want to have more than just one spot. Of course not all fetish clothing could be considered as weird, I mean some people wear leather pants in public so I doubt that this would raise any suspecion. But latex is usually the type of clothing that does kind of point towards a more kinky side.


Of course you don´t have to hide anything, if you feel confident enough to tell your family and friends about your kinky side then go for it! Just remember that not everyone is always that understanding and that this might have a negative impact on family and friends. I guess you know your family and friends best so you probably know if you can tell them or not, if you´re not certain you might want to investigate how they feel about certain kinky things. Being subtle is key here! If you think that they´re ok with it or don´t care then I doubt that you have any reason to hide your kinky side, but if they are disgusted by kink then you might want to keep your kinky side a secret. At least for the moment, especially if you share the same house.


But what if they do find the fetish clothes? I guess you could lie and say that it´s a costume for a party or Halloween (depending on the time of the year) but I don´t know how well that works and if you want to eventually be honest about your kinky side then you´ll have to admit that you lied at them first. So it´s really up to you, do you want to keep it a secret or do you want to be honest? It feels good to be open about such things, but I guess we all have our own feelings when it comes to what you want others to know and what not.

Is a name important?

You´d be surprised how important names can be, because when you meet people online then their name (wether that´s his or her real name or a name he or she has chosen to use) is one of the first things you´ll probably see. It´s difficult to take someone serious when he or she calls himself or herself the ultimate Dom/Domme. Of course there is nothing wrong with giving yourself a name that´s nothing like your real name, but remember that certain names might give others a bad first impression of you.


So it pays off to be original? Absolutely! Instead of being Ultimate Dom/Domme, MaSteR of PaiN or Goddes1234 you could come up with something original. This doesn´t just show that you´re original, it also shows that you care about your name and not just pick something random. Sometimes the name someone chooses has a meaning, maybe it´s just a meaning to that person but that can be important. Don´t be surprised if there is a story behind a name someone has chosen, especially when it´s an original name. Some people will even appreciate it when you ask him or her why he or she chose that name. It´s a good way to show that you´re interested in the other person and that you´re not some random person just saying hi.


First impressions are important and your name is one of the first things someone will learn when they meet you, wether that´s online or offline. Especially a name you pick yourself can say something about you, not just how original you are but also what that name means to you. I guess not everyone is willing to share this with just everyone but if you show sincere interest then someone might just tell you.


As a Dom/Domme you want to pick a name that fits well with you, of course you could just call yourself Master or Mistress and then your real name. You don´t have to pick another name, especially when you´re happy with your name or don´t see the importance in changing it then I wouldn´t advice you to do it. But it might be difficult to stick out as Master John or Mistress Jane when there are several Doms/Dommes out there that go by those names. If you decide to use a different name then you might want to choose something that makes people remember you, maybe even want them to get to know you. A name can be quite powerful, never understimate that!

An unexpected fetish

A lot of times when people ask you about a fetish they expect something like latex or leather, which isn´t that weird because that´s a fetish for a lot of people. But there are of course many more and it´s a bit silly to think that everyone is into latex or leather, because a lot of people are not into that! Even for a Dom/Domme this doesn´t have to be the case, you can be into a lot of things that aren´t latex or leather related.


A friend of mine is into wetsuits, she loves wearing them and seeing others wear them. But she´s not into diving or swimming at all, which might seem a bit odd but you can wear a wetsuit without getting wet....at least on the outside! I´ve heard the same about people that love equestrian outfits, they have nothing with horse or horseback riding but they love wearing the clothes and seeing others wear them. But it´s not surprising that a lot of people do enjoy diving when they have a wetsuit fetish or love horseback riding when they have an equestrian outfit fetish.


I´m sometimes amazed with what turns people on, but I don´t judge anyone because a lot of people have a fetish that could be considered as unusual. I actually applaud people that admit having such a fetish, eventhough sometimes you might want to keep certain things to yourself. Not everyone will understand and it´s safe to say that there will be people that make fun of you for having a certain fetish. It´s a good thing that you can find a lot of like minded people online, even when they don´t share your fetish they might still be willing to participate in it or talk with you about it.


Is it wise to surround yourself with something that turns you on? That depends, because this doesn´t have to be a problem for you. But if you´re turned on most of the day and can´t do your job then it might be a smart idea to do something else or at least find a way to deal with it. Too much of something is hardly ever a good thing, as weird as that might sound to some people. Just remember that something becomes more special and intense if you´re not exposed to it all the time, that might be something you want to keep in mind.

Attracted to you or the way you look?

It´s nothing new, people that are attracted to the way you look (especially if you have a certain picture that turns him or her on) and seem to base their entire motivation to be with you on that. It seems silly but it happens, more often than you think. A sexy outfit can get you a lot of attention, but is that attention for you or for what you´re wearing? If you can answer that question then it shouldn´t be that difficult to decide what you do with that type of attention, because if someone is just attracted to the way you look then that´s not someone worth spending time with.


Latex means sex? To some people it does, wearing latex is nice but some people have such a strong desire for latex that it makes them completely blind to anything else. Which might lead to an awkward situation when he or she wakes up the next day in bed with someone they´re not attracted to (without the latex). But it sucks if that is what it´s all about for people that are interested in you, they like what you wear but they don´t seem to really care for who you are. I guess these casual sex encounters could work for some time but I take it most people want more out of a relationship!


So it´s a bad thing to be attracted to the way someone looks? I´m not saying that, but don´t let that be the main reason why you´re attracted to someone. Don´t forget that the person wearing latex or whatever type of clothing seems to take your fancy is more than that outfit, so even if that is a huge turn on for you I would suggest not to focus too much on that. It´s nice to meet people that have more to say than how hot you look in that outfit, because that´s not a turn on for the other (well not for most people).


Of course it´s nice if you can share a fetish, for example you both love latex and if you both wear it then you can have amazing moments together. But remember not to make it all about latex or sex for that matter, there is more to a relationship than just sex! Sure it plays a part but if you base your relationship on just sex then you´re missing out on a lot of other things. But I guess we all have our own needs and ideas about that, let´s just hope you find someone that has the same way of looking at it as you!

The moment you realize that you´re into BDSM

I think it´s difficult to imagine a Dom/Domme as a kid but I doubt that many people can actually guess what kind of kid you were. Surprisingly not a bossy or dominating kid, I don´t think that this really plays a role at that point. Of course there can be subtle hints, but nothing that would clearly point out that you´d be a Dom/Domme. Then again there aren´t many things that would point out what type of person you´re going to be, you´re just too young for that and even adults can change. Everything isn´t set in stone!


So when did you realize that you´re into BDSM? Well I can tell you when I realized that I have a kinky side or at least a love for shiny things, that was something I realized in my early teen years. But a love for shiny things doesn´t make you kinky and it definately doesn´t point out that you´re into BDSM. But for me that´s how it all started, how I first heard about BDSM and my curiosity made me want to know more. I guess that´s how it is for most people in BDSM, you hear about it and/or see something about it and you want to learn more. Usually because you´re curious or even interested in what´s going on, of course there could be other motivators but this is what I´ve heard from several people so far that curiosity definately played a role!


How did it make you feel? I actually didn´t feel bad about it, I wasn´t ashamed but I realized pretty quickly that my family and friends probably won´t understand it. So I didn´t really talk about with my friends, definately not with my family! Which sucks because it´s nice if you can talk about something that interests you with other people, of course now you have the internet but back then things were a bit less social on that subject. I didn´t think that BDSM was wrong, but I did realize that I couldn´t talk about it openly with everyone that I know. Some people still think that BDSM is weird and wrong, but I´m glad that more and more people realize that it´s not as weird as they first thought. At least people seem to show a bit more respect for BDSM, even when it´s not their cup of tea.


I don´t think it´s a bad thing to discover your kinky side on an early age, I do think that it will be more difficult to meet like minded people of your own age. Maybe you have more luck online, unfortunately online contacts usually only go that far. If you want to experience it then it often comes down to people you meet at meetings or events. I guess that´s a benefit now, eventhough a lot of sites about BDSM are only for adults so as a teenager you might have to wait before you can participate on those sites. But you can find a lot of information online, there is nothing wrong with already learning about something you´re interested in!

Sex and nudity on BDSM sites

Have you noticed the amount of sex requests and/or pictures with nudity on BDSM sites? It bothers me that this is how most people seem to present themselves on these sites, like a desperate sex fiend with no real interest in BDSM. I guess a BDSM site is for a lot of people just a site to get in contact with some kinky people to have sex with. Which is a shame, but I guess it can´t be avoided....


The amount of nude pictures or even pictures of people having sex seem to get the most likes while it´s a BDSM site, it´s crazy but this is what most people on that site seem to prefer. But wouldn´t it make more sense that they go to a sex site? And if they´re looking for someone to have sex with or a relationship then there are dating sites! But no BDSM sites are probably the best place to look for a quick shag with a random stranger, especially when I look at the amount of messages I get that have this as the main subject if there is even a subject in some of those messages. It´s a shame that these sites ars so tainted with sex and nudity that there isn´t much left for BDSM.


I don´t have a problem with sex and nudity isn´t horrible, but there is a time and a place for everything and spamming a site with this doesn´t make it more fun to look at. Especially when the subjects about BDSM disappear to the background with all the talk about sex, it really sucks that this is what people seem to prefer to talk about the most. At least the majority or the most active people on the site. Making a new BDSM site doesn´t help because the people that spam with sex and nudity will just follow to that site as well. Once again there is nothing wrong with sex and nudity but it really sucks that this is what seems to be the biggest thing on a BDSM site.


What´s probably the worst thing is that it sends the wrong message to people that are new to BDSM, that sex and nudity are important in BDSM or that this is what it´s all about in BDSM. Which often leads to people that think that a professional dominatrix has sex with her subs during a session and will sometimes expect that or ask for that. I hate that, I hate that the amount of sex and nudity is making it difficult for helping people to realize what BDSM is about and people that have real questions see their thread disappear in an ocean of sex requests or stupid sex questions.


I´m not saying that sex and nudity should be forbidden on a BDSM site but it should definately be moderated, as in keep things on the subject and people that want something else can move on to another site. Maybe this is the world we live in now, where it´s all about sex and talking about other things is just not interesting anymore. Which is a shame, but it´s more and more a reality....

It´s all about trust?

I´ve heard several times that people think that in a relationship it´s all about sex, then there are people that say it´s all about respect. I´m not saying that sex and respect aren´t important, but I think that they´re forgetting about trust. Because without trust how can there be a (D/s) relationship?


It´s actually thanks to trust how I find good people among the bad ones, telling someone something in confidence and then see that this person takes this seriously and keep this a secret is something I appreciate a lot! I´m quite certain that there are more people out there that value trust a lot, because how can you be with someone if you don´t trust them? Oh sure for a one night stand trust isn´t the most important part, but in a serious relationship I find this one of the most important things. Next to love and honesty, because those are also important in a (D/s) relationship.


As a sub you have to trust your Dom/Domme, because without trust I don´t see how you can serve your Dom/Domme without hesitation or doubts. It´s also difficult to be in a (D/s) relationship when there is no trust, because how do you know that someone is loyal to you or if that person fakes his or her behaviour. Trust is more important then you might think, which seems natural but isn´t always that natural in a relationship.


I wish I could say that trust is natural and I´d say that in a way it is, but the truth is that some people can´t be trusted and that kind of shatters the trust you might have in that person. Trust is the cement that keeps a (D/s) relationship together, without it there is a good chance that it might fall apart. Once you lose someones trust then it might be difficult, if not impossible, to get it back. Which means you must thread carefully with someones trust, especially when someone is slow to trust others you might want to be honest and open about your feelings and thoughts. This way there are no surprises and things should be clear between you and your partner, which should help you improve the trust you already have with the other person.


Just think of this, when a Dom/Domme is going to whip a sub then it´s a good thing that there is trust, because without it the sub must be extremely nervous and the Dom/Domme might be uncertain about how far he or she can go. It´s just one example of how trust works in a D/s relationship, it makes things easier and better in my opinion.