zaterdag 28 maart 2015

Into BDSM for attention?

You might assume that most people that you find in the BDSM scene are in it because they like it, but you´d be wrong to think that because there are also people that do it for attention. Does that sound weird to you? Maybe, but let´s not forget that people sometimes do the weirdest things to get attention so perhaps it´s not that weird.

Is it a bad thing to be into BDSM for attention? I´m pretty certain that some people will say yes but when people admit that they´re in it for attention then that makes it a bit more acceptable in my opinion. Why? Because then you know why they´re into BDSM and then it´s up to you if you want to have anything to do with him or her. But I can definitely understand that some people find it annoying that some people would get into BDSM for attention.

Let´s not forget that we all have our own reasons for our actions, maybe not all reasons are considered as valid but does that make them wrong? I guess that´s also a matter of opinion, but why hate people that have a different reason to get into BDSM? Perhaps they like it so much that it becomes more than just a way to look for attention. Don´t be too quick with your opinion!

That doesn´t mean that everyone that is into BDSM for attention is a lovely person you want to get familiar with, but instead of hating you can also ignore them. You don´t have to like everyone, you don´t have to get along with everyone and you definitely don´t have to be friends with everyone.

It sucks though if someone you like turns out to be into BDSM for attention, especially if this person didn´t admit this to you in the first place. Perhaps you can talk about it, maybe his or her reasons to get into BDSM have changed or perhaps there is more to it. I´m not saying that it´s ok, but sometimes people have their reasons and if you don´t try to understand then what´s the point in trying to connect with others?

zaterdag 21 maart 2015

Talking about your kinky side

When you´re in a relationship it might be difficult to talk about your kinky side, especially when he or she has no idea you´re into that and as far as you know he or she isn´t into kink. This doesn´t mean that you should keep that side of you hidden, but if you´re going to tell him or her about your kinky side then you want to do it right!

First of all be honest, you can lie and pretend that nothing is wrong but keeping something like this hidden from your partner is just going to make your miserable in the long run and that usually doesn´t lead to happiness! Which is why it´s a good idea to talk about it, that doesn´t mean start suggesting things but just be open about what you like and what you´re into. This can be difficult and it would definitely be easier to keep it hidden, but it´s better to be honest and it might even open up new doors in your relationship.

Telling someone about your kinky side is revealing a part of yourself, which means you don´t do that to just everyone. I´m talking about having a certain level of trust with someone before you reveal your kinky side and once you reveal you can´t take it back. So be certain that you´re ready to talk about it, if you feel like you can´t tell your partner then you might want to look at your relationship and wonder how strong it is because if you can´t be honest with the person you love then that is saying something about your relationship!

Once you told your partner about your kinky side then that doesn´t automaticly mean that he or she will want something to do with that, so making suggestions that you could do something kinky together might be a mistake. Maybe some people would be ok with that but I´m pretty certain that not everyone would be ok with that, so you might want to take it easy. If someone is open for something spicy then it´s still a good idea to take it easy, make certain that it´s fun and not too extreme. If you want to introduce your partner to kink you don´t want to scare him or her away, but you want to interest them and hopefully that will lead to some more kink in your relationship. If not then you have to ask yourself if that´s ok with you, because if you need kink in your life then it´s difficult to stay with someone that hates it. It´s not impossible but it will be difficult.

zaterdag 14 maart 2015

Stick to the rules!

It´s a simple rule, stick to the rules! But you´d be surprised how many people try to break the rules. Maybe you´re one of those people that lives by the rules are meant to be broken motto, but in BDSM rules are there for a reason and not meant to be broken!

When a Dom/Domme doesn´t want to be touched then a sub shouldn´t try the patience of his or her Dom/Domme by trying to do it anyway. I know that not everyone is trying to be annoying, sometimes subs are just trying to be playful and provoke a Dom/Domme a bit hoping to be punished for that. But it´s a good idea to keep that to a minimum when you know that your Dom/Domme doesn´t like disobedience.

Not every Dom/Domme is that strict though, some might actually be more flexible. This isn´t a bad thing, but it might create some confusion because if you let one thing slide then what about the next thing and so on? Being strict with rules keeps it simple and keeping things simple is smart because that keeps things under control. I´d say as a Dom/Domme you want to keep things under control.

A lot of Doms/Dommes make rules, usually these rules are pretty standard but sometimes Dom/Dommes have some personal rules and as a sub you will have to stick to those rules. If you don´t want that then you´re probably not going to fit with that Dom/Domme and it´s better to move on. Because staying with someone that doesn´t fit well with you seems like a waste of time for you and for your Dom/Domme.

As a sub you can of course talk about the rules, I´d say giving your opinion is a good thing and maybe you can find a compromise when a sub isn´t a big fan of one or more rules. But remember that a Dom/Domme usually has these rules for a reason, so don´t expect any big changes. Rules keep a session fun and safe, both very important in BDSM!