zaterdag 22 november 2014

Why is latex not accepted like leather?

First of all leather isn´t accepted by everyone, if you walk around with leather pants then people will still stare at you. Mostly because it looks hot but probably also because it´s quite rare to see that in your average day village or small town, even in a (big) city this isn´t always common eventhough it might be more common if it gets colder. But leather is also identified with bikers or models (sometimes) while latex is often identified with strippers or prostitutes, some also identify it with BDSM and a lot of people don´t want others to know about their involvement with that.

But not everyone that wears latex is into BDSM, right? Exactly, but that doesn´t keep people from passing judgement and since some people are quite vulnertable to what others think of them it keeps them from expressing themselves in fetish clothing like latex. Which is a shame because I wouldn´t mind seeing more latex in public and it would definitely help if people didn´t pay attention to what others think or say about their choice of clothing. It´s your life and you can decide what you wear, it doesn´t have to be jeans and sweaters for everone!

Will latex ever be accepted by people that don´t have a kinky side? Probably not, but weirder things have happened and if latex will ever become hot in the world of fashion then more people will wear it wether they have a kinky side or not. It´s not completely unthinkable but I still consider it to be a small chance for that to actually happen. Especially when people still have a negative view on BDSM so anything related to BDSM is probably a bad thing for them as well, even if some are interested they´ll act like sheep and follow eachother in their stupid behaviour.

But this shouldn´t keep you from expressing yourself! It´s cold outside, also inside, so get your latex and leather out of the closet and wear what you want to wear! Who cares what others think or say, it´s your life and you can wear what you want! Besides when it´s cold you have a good excuse to wear latex and/or leather, tell that to the people that walk around in their skinny jeans. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with what you wear, if others can´t stand it then that´s their problem and not yours. You don´t harm anyone with wearing latex or leather, so wear what you like and hopefully you stay warm during these cold months!

zaterdag 15 november 2014

Your first time experience determines your future in BDSM?

It probably sounds silly but this happens more often than you think, especially a bad experience can have some serious consequences. Which is why you don´t want to put too much haste into your first session, it´s important that you know what you get yourself into and that you at least have spoken with your Dom/Domme before starting a session. Once again this seems silly but I´ve heard some strange stories, people that get themselves into a mess and regret ever putting themselves in that position.

Also not knowing what to expect might seem hot but it´s just stupid, it can lead to confusion or unpleasant situations. For example someone that expects sex might be in for disappointment and those that thought they would get a slap on the wrists might be in for more then they bargained for. Once again it´s important to communicate, who is your Dom/Domme and what does this person want?  What do you want? What interests you? But also what do you expect to happen in a session? Questions that can help you more than you know, especially if you´re new to BDSM!

But what if you´re a Dom/Domme and your first session is a disaster, does this make you a bad Dom/Domme? It doesn´t have to mean anything, it really depends on you. If you´re nervous then that´s not a bad thing, I think most Doms/Dommes were nervous in their first session and some might still be nervous just before a session (especially if it´s the first time with a new sub). There is nothing wrong with that, but don´t let that control you and just stick to what you know. Don´t let yourself be tricked into doing something you don´t want to do or something that you´re not familiar with. It´s nothing to be ashamed of to say no, no matter what the other might say.

If you feel uncomfortable in the role of being a Dom/Domme then it might be a good idea to ask yourself if this is the right role for you. Because not everyone is cut out for that, which doesn´t mean that you can´t be a Dom/Domme but perhaps it might be smarter to put yourself in a different role. Maybe you´re better as a switch? Which doesn´t make you anything less! Once again rushing yourself into a first session usually doesn´t work well for you, find out what you want and what you like. Then put that next to what you know and what you´re capable of, that should lead to an interesting outcome!

zondag 9 november 2014

When you´re new to BDSM

I´ve heard it before, usually Doms/Dommes that are quite new to BDSM sometimes worry that they might hurt a sub too much, but even a more experienced Dom/Domme might sometimes have a bit of hesitation. This is nothing to be ashamed of and it´s better to care enough for your sub to consider this than to assume everything is fine and just do what you want to do. Usually a more experienced Dom/Domme will know where the line is, but it´s important that you communicate with your sub(s). This way you know how far you can go and what he or she likes and what not.

Hesitation means you´re not a real Dom/Domme? I find that such nonsense, first of all you´re human so you it´s not considered odd to have hesitations and only if you´d be a machine people would expect you to follow your programming! Don´t force yourself into situations you don´t want to be, so if you don´t feel comfortable doing something then don´t do it! It doesn´t make you less of a Dom/Domme if you have questions, I´d even say it´s a good thing if you have questions because that means you´re willing to learn and that´s never a bad thing!

If you´re new to BDSM then don´t make this a secret, learn from people that have more experience than you and don´t be afraid to ask questions. Use the knowledge that you´ve gathered to form your own opinion on BDSM, things you like and maybe even things you don´t like. We´re not all the same and there isn´t a rule that you have to like everything. Just be yourself and stay true to what you believe in, don´t be someone or something you´re not!

It´s important that you first get to know your sub a bit more, which means communicating and not just accepting people left and right. As a Dom/Domme there are a lot of people that might be interested in serving you but usually only a few are actually serious about that or considered as serious candidates to become someones sub. If you´re a sub and you feel like someone isn´t taking you serious then maybe you should look at how you introduce yourself, are you coming on too strong or maybe you just have other interests than the Dom/Domme you wish to serve.

Of course there is a chance that someone just isn´t interested in accepting new subs, this doesn´t have to do anything with you and you shouldn´t see that as a rejection. It sucks when you´re ignored and someone doesn´t even bother responding to you, but you should sometimes realize that some Doms/Dommes get a lot of messages and it´s easy to sometimes forget to respond to someone. Not everyone has always all the time in the world to respond. If you´re really looking for a Dom/Domme to serve then you might want to look further than the internet, go to BDSM parties or maybe there is even a meet up for kinksters near you. It´s always better to meet people in person, just remember that patience serves you better than trying to rush yourself into someones life. The most important thing is that you´re having fun and it´s even better if you can share this with someone else, it´s not always easy but definitely not impossible!

zaterdag 1 november 2014

It´s more fun to be bad?

If you ask an actor then the question is often yes it´s more fun to play the villain, but what about real life? Is it more fun to be bad? I guess that depends what you consider being bad, being naughty isn´t what I consider being bad so everyone with a teasing mood might feel like they´re bad but it´s not exactly the same. Which is why I personally don´t consider being bad to be fun, at least not the type of fun I´d have when I play a game or watch a movie. But sometimes it´s nice to be bad, sometimes....

Does that make you a bad person? I wouldn´t go that far, we all have a dark side and to pretend you´re perfect is just an illusion! But it´s true that some of us have a dark twisted side that dominates the good, which sometimes lead to unpleasant personalities. Which is why it´s a good thing to hold on to something positive, even if you want to give in to the darkness you should hold on to some light. As a Dom/Domme you´re not excused of rules and it doesn´t mean that you can unleash your twisted ideas on a sub. It might seem that way to some, but that´s not how it is!

But what if you want to give in to the darkness? Well don´t! Ok that´s easier said than done, but really as a Dom/Domme you have a responsibility and not just to yourself but also your sub(s). Break the trust between you and your sub(s) and you might never get it back, so why risk it doing something stupid. If you have a rather unusual fantasy then discuss it with your sub, don´t go crazy just like that! A sub should also first check with his or her Dom/Domme about certain ideas or fantasies, nobody likes unpleasant surprises!

To some people good and bad are two sides with different opinions, maybe that´s true but that doesn´t make it ok to just do whatever you like. In the end you don´t want to be alone and miserable? Because if you´re going to act like an idiot then that´s exactly how you´ll end up. Leave the being bad part as a role you play in the bedroom, but nothing more than that. Sure that can be fun, it might even be very hot but remember that it´s just a role even if it feels more to you. Nobody wants you to be really bad, at least most people wouldn´t appreciate it. So you can play the big bad Dom/Domme, just be certain that it´s a role and not a way of life!