zaterdag 27 december 2014

It´s all about sex?

It seems a lot of dating sites and also fetish sites are full with profiles of people that are looking for sex. Not that there is anything wrong with sex but if that´s the main reason for looking for someone else then you might be having a rough time finding someone. But that doesn´t stop people from trying, sometimes desperately showing nude pictures hoping this will speed things up. Unfortunately for them it doesn´t!

To be honest I don´t care about dating sites but it bothers me that this is also on fetish sites, showing your private parts isn´t hot and it´s not a fetish! It´s just some desperate attempt to get some attention. I´m not talking about people that have nude pictures on their profile, I´m talking about people that have a nude picture as their profile picture. Which means every time this person sends a message or comments somewhere there is more of that atrocity out there, which is definitely not a good thing!

But it doesn´t stop at these nude pictures, there are also people that have to post pictures where they have sex with someone else. Is that a fetish? I guess some would claim it is but I can´t help but find it sad, probably because that´s one of the few times they got laid and immediately had to make a picture of it. Maybe some people make an art out of it but that´s definitely not the majority out there, it´s some juvenile load of bollocks!

As much as I hate it that´s probably as much as the majority likes it, because somehow these pictures get thousands of like and that probably also says a bit of the community on a fetish site. There was a time and a place that I thought it was where people could talk about their fetish and share interests with eachother. Now it seems more and more like it´s a place to find someone to have sex with and show off having sex with others. What the hell happened?!!!!

In a professional session with a Dominatrix you don´t even have sex! I guess it becomes even more rare to find like minded people out there, because the majority out there has other priorities and that´s perfectly fine with me but why does that have to be portrayed on fetish sites? I think there are plenty of porn sites where you can put all your sex pictures and leave everything fetish related for the fetish sites. It´s just a thought, one that clearly has not much support out there....

zondag 14 december 2014

Mind your own business!

It´s nice when people care about you, but sometimes this means that they´ll decide what´s best for you. This is something that´s not nice! It could be something small like what you wear or your hair style, up to the point where someone decides if you can go outside or not. Maybe this is part of a D/s relationship but there should be limits, I mean if someone completely controls you then that´s not healthy. I mean what if he or she tells you that you can´t talk to your family or friends anymore, is that ok with you?

So you should have some clear rules in a D/s relationship, which keeps things safe and fun for both of you. It might seem silly to some but to think that a D/s relationship can´t go wrong is truly silly. I don´t want to sound like a pessimist but it´s just realistic that people change, even when at first someone seemed nice that doesn´t mean that things are going to stay that way forever. Of course it´s nice when things go well and it might seem silly to talk about certain things, but if you want to have a D/s relationship with someone then things can get complicated and it´s better to talk about certain things early in the relationship.

What´s important in a D/s relationship? I think rules are important, things that are ok and things that aren´t ok. It´s also important that you trust eachother, just like in a standard relationship this is important and without trust you really have to ask yourself if this is someone you want to be with. I´m not telling you anything new here but you can´t expect people to go along with everything, no matter how much someone cares about you that doesn´t mean that he or she is in for everything. Maybe there are people who are but I wouldn´t expect this from everyone and definitely not expect this from someone without asking!

Give eachother space, as much as you might care about someone you don´t want to smother someone to death with attention or affection. At first this might seem cute but it gets old real fast! Is it wrong to care? Of course not! But too much of something isn´t a good thing. Sometimes you mean well but not everyone well accept that, so communication should definitely help with figuring out what you and your partner want in the relationship. Communication is the key to a succesful relationship, a D/s relationship isn´t an exception!

zaterdag 22 november 2014

Why is latex not accepted like leather?

First of all leather isn´t accepted by everyone, if you walk around with leather pants then people will still stare at you. Mostly because it looks hot but probably also because it´s quite rare to see that in your average day village or small town, even in a (big) city this isn´t always common eventhough it might be more common if it gets colder. But leather is also identified with bikers or models (sometimes) while latex is often identified with strippers or prostitutes, some also identify it with BDSM and a lot of people don´t want others to know about their involvement with that.

But not everyone that wears latex is into BDSM, right? Exactly, but that doesn´t keep people from passing judgement and since some people are quite vulnertable to what others think of them it keeps them from expressing themselves in fetish clothing like latex. Which is a shame because I wouldn´t mind seeing more latex in public and it would definitely help if people didn´t pay attention to what others think or say about their choice of clothing. It´s your life and you can decide what you wear, it doesn´t have to be jeans and sweaters for everone!

Will latex ever be accepted by people that don´t have a kinky side? Probably not, but weirder things have happened and if latex will ever become hot in the world of fashion then more people will wear it wether they have a kinky side or not. It´s not completely unthinkable but I still consider it to be a small chance for that to actually happen. Especially when people still have a negative view on BDSM so anything related to BDSM is probably a bad thing for them as well, even if some are interested they´ll act like sheep and follow eachother in their stupid behaviour.

But this shouldn´t keep you from expressing yourself! It´s cold outside, also inside, so get your latex and leather out of the closet and wear what you want to wear! Who cares what others think or say, it´s your life and you can wear what you want! Besides when it´s cold you have a good excuse to wear latex and/or leather, tell that to the people that walk around in their skinny jeans. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with what you wear, if others can´t stand it then that´s their problem and not yours. You don´t harm anyone with wearing latex or leather, so wear what you like and hopefully you stay warm during these cold months!

zaterdag 15 november 2014

Your first time experience determines your future in BDSM?

It probably sounds silly but this happens more often than you think, especially a bad experience can have some serious consequences. Which is why you don´t want to put too much haste into your first session, it´s important that you know what you get yourself into and that you at least have spoken with your Dom/Domme before starting a session. Once again this seems silly but I´ve heard some strange stories, people that get themselves into a mess and regret ever putting themselves in that position.

Also not knowing what to expect might seem hot but it´s just stupid, it can lead to confusion or unpleasant situations. For example someone that expects sex might be in for disappointment and those that thought they would get a slap on the wrists might be in for more then they bargained for. Once again it´s important to communicate, who is your Dom/Domme and what does this person want?  What do you want? What interests you? But also what do you expect to happen in a session? Questions that can help you more than you know, especially if you´re new to BDSM!

But what if you´re a Dom/Domme and your first session is a disaster, does this make you a bad Dom/Domme? It doesn´t have to mean anything, it really depends on you. If you´re nervous then that´s not a bad thing, I think most Doms/Dommes were nervous in their first session and some might still be nervous just before a session (especially if it´s the first time with a new sub). There is nothing wrong with that, but don´t let that control you and just stick to what you know. Don´t let yourself be tricked into doing something you don´t want to do or something that you´re not familiar with. It´s nothing to be ashamed of to say no, no matter what the other might say.

If you feel uncomfortable in the role of being a Dom/Domme then it might be a good idea to ask yourself if this is the right role for you. Because not everyone is cut out for that, which doesn´t mean that you can´t be a Dom/Domme but perhaps it might be smarter to put yourself in a different role. Maybe you´re better as a switch? Which doesn´t make you anything less! Once again rushing yourself into a first session usually doesn´t work well for you, find out what you want and what you like. Then put that next to what you know and what you´re capable of, that should lead to an interesting outcome!

zondag 9 november 2014

When you´re new to BDSM

I´ve heard it before, usually Doms/Dommes that are quite new to BDSM sometimes worry that they might hurt a sub too much, but even a more experienced Dom/Domme might sometimes have a bit of hesitation. This is nothing to be ashamed of and it´s better to care enough for your sub to consider this than to assume everything is fine and just do what you want to do. Usually a more experienced Dom/Domme will know where the line is, but it´s important that you communicate with your sub(s). This way you know how far you can go and what he or she likes and what not.

Hesitation means you´re not a real Dom/Domme? I find that such nonsense, first of all you´re human so you it´s not considered odd to have hesitations and only if you´d be a machine people would expect you to follow your programming! Don´t force yourself into situations you don´t want to be, so if you don´t feel comfortable doing something then don´t do it! It doesn´t make you less of a Dom/Domme if you have questions, I´d even say it´s a good thing if you have questions because that means you´re willing to learn and that´s never a bad thing!

If you´re new to BDSM then don´t make this a secret, learn from people that have more experience than you and don´t be afraid to ask questions. Use the knowledge that you´ve gathered to form your own opinion on BDSM, things you like and maybe even things you don´t like. We´re not all the same and there isn´t a rule that you have to like everything. Just be yourself and stay true to what you believe in, don´t be someone or something you´re not!

It´s important that you first get to know your sub a bit more, which means communicating and not just accepting people left and right. As a Dom/Domme there are a lot of people that might be interested in serving you but usually only a few are actually serious about that or considered as serious candidates to become someones sub. If you´re a sub and you feel like someone isn´t taking you serious then maybe you should look at how you introduce yourself, are you coming on too strong or maybe you just have other interests than the Dom/Domme you wish to serve.

Of course there is a chance that someone just isn´t interested in accepting new subs, this doesn´t have to do anything with you and you shouldn´t see that as a rejection. It sucks when you´re ignored and someone doesn´t even bother responding to you, but you should sometimes realize that some Doms/Dommes get a lot of messages and it´s easy to sometimes forget to respond to someone. Not everyone has always all the time in the world to respond. If you´re really looking for a Dom/Domme to serve then you might want to look further than the internet, go to BDSM parties or maybe there is even a meet up for kinksters near you. It´s always better to meet people in person, just remember that patience serves you better than trying to rush yourself into someones life. The most important thing is that you´re having fun and it´s even better if you can share this with someone else, it´s not always easy but definitely not impossible!

zaterdag 1 november 2014

It´s more fun to be bad?

If you ask an actor then the question is often yes it´s more fun to play the villain, but what about real life? Is it more fun to be bad? I guess that depends what you consider being bad, being naughty isn´t what I consider being bad so everyone with a teasing mood might feel like they´re bad but it´s not exactly the same. Which is why I personally don´t consider being bad to be fun, at least not the type of fun I´d have when I play a game or watch a movie. But sometimes it´s nice to be bad, sometimes....

Does that make you a bad person? I wouldn´t go that far, we all have a dark side and to pretend you´re perfect is just an illusion! But it´s true that some of us have a dark twisted side that dominates the good, which sometimes lead to unpleasant personalities. Which is why it´s a good thing to hold on to something positive, even if you want to give in to the darkness you should hold on to some light. As a Dom/Domme you´re not excused of rules and it doesn´t mean that you can unleash your twisted ideas on a sub. It might seem that way to some, but that´s not how it is!

But what if you want to give in to the darkness? Well don´t! Ok that´s easier said than done, but really as a Dom/Domme you have a responsibility and not just to yourself but also your sub(s). Break the trust between you and your sub(s) and you might never get it back, so why risk it doing something stupid. If you have a rather unusual fantasy then discuss it with your sub, don´t go crazy just like that! A sub should also first check with his or her Dom/Domme about certain ideas or fantasies, nobody likes unpleasant surprises!

To some people good and bad are two sides with different opinions, maybe that´s true but that doesn´t make it ok to just do whatever you like. In the end you don´t want to be alone and miserable? Because if you´re going to act like an idiot then that´s exactly how you´ll end up. Leave the being bad part as a role you play in the bedroom, but nothing more than that. Sure that can be fun, it might even be very hot but remember that it´s just a role even if it feels more to you. Nobody wants you to be really bad, at least most people wouldn´t appreciate it. So you can play the big bad Dom/Domme, just be certain that it´s a role and not a way of life!

zaterdag 18 oktober 2014

The person you are online and the person you are offline

I don´t think it´s a secret that we´re not always the same person online as when we´re offline, it makes sense because online you feel more safe thus it´s easier to say and do things. Of course this feeling of safety is but an illusion, but somehow that doesn´t keep people from doing things they wouldn´t do offline. But do these actions actually define us or are we just being fools?

People are odd, but usually you know your limits and going crazy online doesn´t happen a lot. At least not in a way where there is no way back, because we might all say or do things we might regret later but most of the time it´s nothing horrible or embarrassing enough to make you wish you never did it. Unfortunately there are people that sometimes make mistakes, showing detailed naked pictures and then they´re blackmailed by the other person with these pictures, it´s distateful but it happens. Which once again shows how vulnerable you can be online, which is why trust should always be earned and never just given.

Especially teenagers have the need to go crazy every now and then, which is fine if you do that in a safe environment but not online! As much as you might want to share something special with someone else you might want to think before you act, because you don´t want to reveal too much because once it´s out there it can´t go back! Which is why it´s important that you don´t give away certain pictures, it´s just too risky and you don´t want those pictures in the wrong hands.

Never let yourself be forced into something you don´t want to do, even as a sub you don´t have to do everything your Dom/Domme tells you. So when your Dom/Domme tells you that he or she wants nude pictures of you then I would definitely ask why he or she wants that. Don´t be afraid to ask questions, it´s not disrespectful and if he or she is offended by your questions then this isn´t a person you want to entrust with something personal like that!

It´s easy to be different online, but that doesn´t mean you have to be different. Just be yourself and do what you would normally do, don´t take a risk you wouldn´t take otherwise because there isn´t much happiness that comes from that. The B in BDSM doesn´t stand for blackmail, so try not to give someone leverage for that to happen!

zondag 12 oktober 2014

Why would you wear gloves?

I´m not talking about the type of gloves you wear in the snow, I´m talking about latex or leather gloves but I think you´d probably figure that out sooner or later! Gloves are not just a piece of clothing to keep your hands warm, they´re a symbol and also quite practical. They´re a part of my fetish outfit and I can´t imagine wearing anything shiny without my gloves.

Gloves are nice but isn´t that too hot to wear in Summer? It is, that´s why I have fingerless gloves especially for Summer, but those are also more practical when I´m writing or typing. It´s actually quite nice to feels something shiny and soft around your hands and arms, it gives comfort and looks good as well. I love long gloves the most, they´re fancy gloves that women used to wear for a fancy ball. I guess some people still wear them for such occasions but the time of the dress seems to be something of the past, which is a shame in a way because I like them.

But you don´t need to wear a dress to walk around with long gloves, you can wear whatever you like and if you like it shiny like me then latex gloves (or pvc) are exactly what you need! Instead of my pale skin you see black shiny arms, I think that looks hotter than a pale skin. Well maybe you disagree but I prefer to keep things shiny! But it´s nice to have some breathing room as well, so wearing short gloves or fingerless gloves are a good way to mix it up a bit.

Do people think you´re weird when you walk around with gloves? Well I don´t know what people think but sometimes some people give you a strange look, but as long as I look human I guess I´m ok. Gloves might be a bit uncommon but not exactly rare, so it´s not something that makes people stare. Even if they would then who cares? If you´re happy wearing gloves and then you should!

Do gloves also play a role in a BDSM session? Not exactly, sometimes a sub is allowed to kiss my glove if he or she worships me but for me gloves are more a symbol than a practical use in a BDSM session. But above all I wear them because I like them! It´s the same with all my other fetish clothing, I wear it because I like it and that should be the main reason to wear a particular kind of clothing.

zondag 5 oktober 2014

Autumn means leather jackets and boots

At least that´s how I see it, because suddenly people will wear more leather jackets and boots. I´d say anyone with a leather and/or boot fetish is having the time of his or her life! But it´s not just nice to look at, it´s even better to wear them yourself! Sliding your feet in some comfortable boots and feeling stronger in your leather jacket. Maybe it´s just in your head but as long as it makes you happy then who really cares!

Of course you can wear your leather jacket and boots in other seasons, but in Autumn it just feels right to me. With a cold wind and rain it´s nice to have protection against that without sweating too much, because no matter how nice leather feels you don´t want to sweat in your clothes! Which is why Summer can be a bummer, especially when it comes to wearing latex or leather. But Autumn gives you options, it´s colder so you can wear thick leather and not sweat that much in it. Which is nice for you and others around you.

I must admit that I´m a bit careful with my leather clothes, I´m not dancing in the rain in leather. In latex I do like to do that but not in leather, I guess I prefer to keep my leather cool and dry. The same counts for my boots, I don´t jump into a puddle with my boots on. I could do it but somehow I see that as a waste, because I don´t want to ruin them! I remember losing on of my spikes on my torture boots when I was jumping around with some friends, it´s just one spike but it felt like much more to me. So as much as I want to go crazy sometimes it´s smart to take good care of your clothes!

It´s amazing though that there are a lot of people out there that switch to leather jackets and boots in Autumn, maybe they just want to keep themselves warm or maybe they feel a bit more comfortable showing their awesome jackets and boots! Some might even go so far to wear leather pants and who knows what else! But that´s often a bit more rare in public, but still a welcome sight whenever you can spot someone wearing something shiny. Winter might be the season of miracles but for me Autumn is the season to see wishes come true!

zondag 21 september 2014

Where do you leave your fetish clothes?

This might seem like a stupid question but for some people this is important, because not everyone knows about their kinky side so they can´t just leave them around the house! But you don´t want to stuff them in a corner, just like most of your clothes (that you value) you want to take good care of these fetish clothes. Because ripped fetish clothes might look sexy to you but not to me!

If you share your house with people that don´t know about your kinky side and prefer that they don´t find out then I would suggest to find a good hiding place for your fetish clothes. This doesn´t have to be a hole in the floor where you keep it but maybe a spot in your closet and put some casual clothes on top of them. Depending on the amount of fetish clothes you might want to have more than just one spot. Of course not all fetish clothing could be considered as weird, I mean some people wear leather pants in public so I doubt that this would raise any suspecion. But latex is usually the type of clothing that does kind of point towards a more kinky side.

Of course you don´t have to hide anything, if you feel confident enough to tell your family and friends about your kinky side then go for it! Just remember that not everyone is always that understanding and that this might have a negative impact on family and friends. I guess you know your family and friends best so you probably know if you can tell them or not, if you´re not certain you might want to investigate how they feel about certain kinky things. Being subtle is key here! If you think that they´re ok with it or don´t care then I doubt that you have any reason to hide your kinky side, but if they are disgusted by kink then you might want to keep your kinky side a secret. At least for the moment, especially if you share the same house.

But what if they do find the fetish clothes? I guess you could lie and say that it´s a costume for a party or Halloween (depending on the time of the year) but I don´t know how well that works and if you want to eventually be honest about your kinky side then you´ll have to admit that you lied at them first. So it´s really up to you, do you want to keep it a secret or do you want to be honest? It feels good to be open about such things, but I guess we all have our own feelings when it comes to what you want others to know and what not.

zaterdag 13 september 2014

Is a name important?

You´d be surprised how important names can be, because when you meet people online then their name (wether that´s his or her real name or a name he or she has chosen to use) is one of the first things you´ll probably see. It´s difficult to take someone serious when he or she calls himself or herself the ultimate Dom/Domme. Of course there is nothing wrong with giving yourself a name that´s nothing like your real name, but remember that certain names might give others a bad first impression of you.

So it pays off to be original? Absolutely! Instead of being Ultimate Dom/Domme, MaSteR of PaiN or Goddes1234 you could come up with something original. This doesn´t just show that you´re original, it also shows that you care about your name and not just pick something random. Sometimes the name someone chooses has a meaning, maybe it´s just a meaning to that person but that can be important. Don´t be surprised if there is a story behind a name someone has chosen, especially when it´s an original name. Some people will even appreciate it when you ask him or her why he or she chose that name. It´s a good way to show that you´re interested in the other person and that you´re not some random person just saying hi.

First impressions are important and your name is one of the first things someone will learn when they meet you, wether that´s online or offline. Especially a name you pick yourself can say something about you, not just how original you are but also what that name means to you. I guess not everyone is willing to share this with just everyone but if you show sincere interest then someone might just tell you.

As a Dom/Domme you want to pick a name that fits well with you, of course you could just call yourself Master or Mistress and then your real name. You don´t have to pick another name, especially when you´re happy with your name or don´t see the importance in changing it then I wouldn´t advice you to do it. But it might be difficult to stick out as Master John or Mistress Jane when there are several Doms/Dommes out there that go by those names. If you decide to use a different name then you might want to choose something that makes people remember you, maybe even want them to get to know you. A name can be quite powerful, never understimate that!

zaterdag 6 september 2014

An unexpected fetish

A lot of times when people ask you about a fetish they expect something like latex or leather, which isn´t that weird because that´s a fetish for a lot of people. But there are of course many more and it´s a bit silly to think that everyone is into latex or leather, because a lot of people are not into that! Even for a Dom/Domme this doesn´t have to be the case, you can be into a lot of things that aren´t latex or leather related.

A friend of mine is into wetsuits, she loves wearing them and seeing others wear them. But she´s not into diving or swimming at all, which might seem a bit odd but you can wear a wetsuit without getting least on the outside! I´ve heard the same about people that love equestrian outfits, they have nothing with horse or horseback riding but they love wearing the clothes and seeing others wear them. But it´s not surprising that a lot of people do enjoy diving when they have a wetsuit fetish or love horseback riding when they have an equestrian outfit fetish.

I´m sometimes amazed with what turns people on, but I don´t judge anyone because a lot of people have a fetish that could be considered as unusual. I actually applaud people that admit having such a fetish, eventhough sometimes you might want to keep certain things to yourself. Not everyone will understand and it´s safe to say that there will be people that make fun of you for having a certain fetish. It´s a good thing that you can find a lot of like minded people online, even when they don´t share your fetish they might still be willing to participate in it or talk with you about it.

Is it wise to surround yourself with something that turns you on? That depends, because this doesn´t have to be a problem for you. But if you´re turned on most of the day and can´t do your job then it might be a smart idea to do something else or at least find a way to deal with it. Too much of something is hardly ever a good thing, as weird as that might sound to some people. Just remember that something becomes more special and intense if you´re not exposed to it all the time, that might be something you want to keep in mind.

zaterdag 23 augustus 2014

Attracted to you or the way you look?

It´s nothing new, people that are attracted to the way you look (especially if you have a certain picture that turns him or her on) and seem to base their entire motivation to be with you on that. It seems silly but it happens, more often than you think. A sexy outfit can get you a lot of attention, but is that attention for you or for what you´re wearing? If you can answer that question then it shouldn´t be that difficult to decide what you do with that type of attention, because if someone is just attracted to the way you look then that´s not someone worth spending time with.

Latex means sex? To some people it does, wearing latex is nice but some people have such a strong desire for latex that it makes them completely blind to anything else. Which might lead to an awkward situation when he or she wakes up the next day in bed with someone they´re not attracted to (without the latex). But it sucks if that is what it´s all about for people that are interested in you, they like what you wear but they don´t seem to really care for who you are. I guess these casual sex encounters could work for some time but I take it most people want more out of a relationship!

So it´s a bad thing to be attracted to the way someone looks? I´m not saying that, but don´t let that be the main reason why you´re attracted to someone. Don´t forget that the person wearing latex or whatever type of clothing seems to take your fancy is more than that outfit, so even if that is a huge turn on for you I would suggest not to focus too much on that. It´s nice to meet people that have more to say than how hot you look in that outfit, because that´s not a turn on for the other (well not for most people).

Of course it´s nice if you can share a fetish, for example you both love latex and if you both wear it then you can have amazing moments together. But remember not to make it all about latex or sex for that matter, there is more to a relationship than just sex! Sure it plays a part but if you base your relationship on just sex then you´re missing out on a lot of other things. But I guess we all have our own needs and ideas about that, let´s just hope you find someone that has the same way of looking at it as you!

zondag 17 augustus 2014

The moment you realize that you´re into BDSM

I think it´s difficult to imagine a Dom/Domme as a kid but I doubt that many people can actually guess what kind of kid you were. Surprisingly not a bossy or dominating kid, I don´t think that this really plays a role at that point. Of course there can be subtle hints, but nothing that would clearly point out that you´d be a Dom/Domme. Then again there aren´t many things that would point out what type of person you´re going to be, you´re just too young for that and even adults can change. Everything isn´t set in stone!

So when did you realize that you´re into BDSM? Well I can tell you when I realized that I have a kinky side or at least a love for shiny things, that was something I realized in my early teen years. But a love for shiny things doesn´t make you kinky and it definately doesn´t point out that you´re into BDSM. But for me that´s how it all started, how I first heard about BDSM and my curiosity made me want to know more. I guess that´s how it is for most people in BDSM, you hear about it and/or see something about it and you want to learn more. Usually because you´re curious or even interested in what´s going on, of course there could be other motivators but this is what I´ve heard from several people so far that curiosity definately played a role!

How did it make you feel? I actually didn´t feel bad about it, I wasn´t ashamed but I realized pretty quickly that my family and friends probably won´t understand it. So I didn´t really talk about with my friends, definately not with my family! Which sucks because it´s nice if you can talk about something that interests you with other people, of course now you have the internet but back then things were a bit less social on that subject. I didn´t think that BDSM was wrong, but I did realize that I couldn´t talk about it openly with everyone that I know. Some people still think that BDSM is weird and wrong, but I´m glad that more and more people realize that it´s not as weird as they first thought. At least people seem to show a bit more respect for BDSM, even when it´s not their cup of tea.

I don´t think it´s a bad thing to discover your kinky side on an early age, I do think that it will be more difficult to meet like minded people of your own age. Maybe you have more luck online, unfortunately online contacts usually only go that far. If you want to experience it then it often comes down to people you meet at meetings or events. I guess that´s a benefit now, eventhough a lot of sites about BDSM are only for adults so as a teenager you might have to wait before you can participate on those sites. But you can find a lot of information online, there is nothing wrong with already learning about something you´re interested in!

zondag 10 augustus 2014

Sex and nudity on BDSM sites

Have you noticed the amount of sex requests and/or pictures with nudity on BDSM sites? It bothers me that this is how most people seem to present themselves on these sites, like a desperate sex fiend with no real interest in BDSM. I guess a BDSM site is for a lot of people just a site to get in contact with some kinky people to have sex with. Which is a shame, but I guess it can´t be avoided....

The amount of nude pictures or even pictures of people having sex seem to get the most likes while it´s a BDSM site, it´s crazy but this is what most people on that site seem to prefer. But wouldn´t it make more sense that they go to a sex site? And if they´re looking for someone to have sex with or a relationship then there are dating sites! But no BDSM sites are probably the best place to look for a quick shag with a random stranger, especially when I look at the amount of messages I get that have this as the main subject if there is even a subject in some of those messages. It´s a shame that these sites ars so tainted with sex and nudity that there isn´t much left for BDSM.

I don´t have a problem with sex and nudity isn´t horrible, but there is a time and a place for everything and spamming a site with this doesn´t make it more fun to look at. Especially when the subjects about BDSM disappear to the background with all the talk about sex, it really sucks that this is what people seem to prefer to talk about the most. At least the majority or the most active people on the site. Making a new BDSM site doesn´t help because the people that spam with sex and nudity will just follow to that site as well. Once again there is nothing wrong with sex and nudity but it really sucks that this is what seems to be the biggest thing on a BDSM site.

What´s probably the worst thing is that it sends the wrong message to people that are new to BDSM, that sex and nudity are important in BDSM or that this is what it´s all about in BDSM. Which often leads to people that think that a professional dominatrix has sex with her subs during a session and will sometimes expect that or ask for that. I hate that, I hate that the amount of sex and nudity is making it difficult for helping people to realize what BDSM is about and people that have real questions see their thread disappear in an ocean of sex requests or stupid sex questions.

I´m not saying that sex and nudity should be forbidden on a BDSM site but it should definately be moderated, as in keep things on the subject and people that want something else can move on to another site. Maybe this is the world we live in now, where it´s all about sex and talking about other things is just not interesting anymore. Which is a shame, but it´s more and more a reality....

zaterdag 2 augustus 2014

It´s all about trust?

I´ve heard several times that people think that in a relationship it´s all about sex, then there are people that say it´s all about respect. I´m not saying that sex and respect aren´t important, but I think that they´re forgetting about trust. Because without trust how can there be a (D/s) relationship?

It´s actually thanks to trust how I find good people among the bad ones, telling someone something in confidence and then see that this person takes this seriously and keep this a secret is something I appreciate a lot! I´m quite certain that there are more people out there that value trust a lot, because how can you be with someone if you don´t trust them? Oh sure for a one night stand trust isn´t the most important part, but in a serious relationship I find this one of the most important things. Next to love and honesty, because those are also important in a (D/s) relationship.

As a sub you have to trust your Dom/Domme, because without trust I don´t see how you can serve your Dom/Domme without hesitation or doubts. It´s also difficult to be in a (D/s) relationship when there is no trust, because how do you know that someone is loyal to you or if that person fakes his or her behaviour. Trust is more important then you might think, which seems natural but isn´t always that natural in a relationship.

I wish I could say that trust is natural and I´d say that in a way it is, but the truth is that some people can´t be trusted and that kind of shatters the trust you might have in that person. Trust is the cement that keeps a (D/s) relationship together, without it there is a good chance that it might fall apart. Once you lose someones trust then it might be difficult, if not impossible, to get it back. Which means you must thread carefully with someones trust, especially when someone is slow to trust others you might want to be honest and open about your feelings and thoughts. This way there are no surprises and things should be clear between you and your partner, which should help you improve the trust you already have with the other person.

Just think of this, when a Dom/Domme is going to whip a sub then it´s a good thing that there is trust, because without it the sub must be extremely nervous and the Dom/Domme might be uncertain about how far he or she can go. It´s just one example of how trust works in a D/s relationship, it makes things easier and better in my opinion.

zondag 27 juli 2014

I know you!

I must admit that there aren´t a lot of people that are bold enough to say that to your face, but online people can be a bit more open with their opinions and thoughts. Which is fine with me but it gets a bit frustrating when they judge you!

A lot of times this knowledge comes from the way you look or the things you say, as if that is all that is needed for someone to figure you out. If someone actually believes that then I pity that person, because that doesn´t seem like someone that has a lot of personality. Of course there is so much more to people than that! Your hopes, dreams, thoughts, wishes and maybe even a little secret. These are all things that give shape to who you are and in the end you´re the only one who knows you the best. People will only get to know you as well as you let them. Sure they might discover things if they listen to you and/or observe your behaviour, but that´s often just a glimpse of the complete picture.

In a way we all wear masks, not always to hide yourself but sometimes for protection. People that don´t know you or hardly know you will often try to figure you out by looking at your mask, they see the surface and thus you must be what you look like. Some people are indeed not that difficult to figure out, but the arrogance to think you know someone without even giving that person a chance to express himself or herself is just foolish! People can be married for years and still have secrets, which doesn´t have to be something bad but it´s sometimes a side they keep to themself.

It´s an honour to really get to know someone, when someone is willing to share who they are with you. Not what they are, but really who they are. Such a bond is more than just words, it´s a sincere feeling of trust and acceptance that is more rare than you think.

zaterdag 19 juli 2014

Fantasy and reality, it´s not the same!

It seems silly to actually mention this but some people have a hard time seeing the difference sometimes, I wouldn´t even be surprised if some people can´t even see the difference. Which doesn´t have to be a problem, but somehow usually does end up being a problem for him or her. Of course you can ignore other people and live in your own personal world, which is perfectly fine as long as you stick to that and not involve others in your personal world because that´s usually where things go wrong!

Porn isn´t real? Big surprise, they´re actors and the situations might seem believable (not often though) but it´s all acting. Which means people that have a hard time seeing the difference between fantasy and reality might think that what happens in porn might actually happen in real life, especially if they do exactly what they did in that movie. An example of this is subway groping, this is where some guys think it´s ok to touch women inappropriately in the subway. Of course it´s often crowded and I´m not saying that everyone is guilty, but when someone deliberately puts his hands on you then I´d recommend to scream bloody murder! It might seem like overreacting but I´ve heard plenty of stories where women are being groped by random strangers because they think it´s ok. Guess what? It´s not!

So how do you tell the difference between fantasy and reality? It might seem weird but it´s often best to assume it´s not ok than to assume that it is ok, which means don´t touch strangers just like that and respect some personal space! It´s true that some people have fantasies about being touched by a stranger but then when they´re in public it doesn´t mean they want to be groped by the first guy they see. The thing is that a fantasy is often a fantasy, something you fantasize about but it´s not always something you actually want to happen to you. Well there are exceptions but usually when it involves strangers or something extreme then it´s often just a fantasy and not something they would want to happen just like that. If someone does have a fantasy they want to become real then he or she will want to talk about that, make an agreement about it so you avoid misunderstandings.

Even when you know someones fantasy then that doesn´t give you the right to go for it just like that! In reality it´s wrong to put your hands on someone just like that, especially when the other doesn´t want you to do that. It´s better to be safe than sorry with these situations, maybe some will say that you´re a bit reluctant but it´s better to hold back and get permission than to go for it and be rejected!

donderdag 10 juli 2014

Too hot for latex and leather!

I´m not talking about that you look so good that you shouldn´t wear latex or leather, which is ridiculous by the way! No I´m talking about hot Summer weather and facing unbearable moments while wearing your favourite fetish clothing. It´s the worst time of the year for everyone that can´t live without their latex or leather need. So how do you survive this season?

A simple but effective way to stay cool in latex is wearing it while you take a cool shower or sit in your bath with some cool water. It might seem weird but it actually works pretty well and of course it also feels pretty amazing! Unfortunately this doesn´t work so well for leather, at least I wouldn´t risk it! For leather you really have to find some cold spots in your house or face some unbearable sweaty moments, especially when it´s hot all day and night! Otherwise you could wear your leather outfits when the sun goes down, but don´t be surprised if it´s still too hot to wear leather. It´s actually even worse when you wear pvc, but I guess a true addict will wear whatever he or she wants!

Maybe you have to be slightly insane to wear latex or leather in the Summer, because it´s just not the best material for this time of the year. Something that you might want to avoid at all costs is rubbing against other people in latex, if you´re not hot then you´ll be hot if you do that! Once again this is the wrong kind of hot wear you sweat so much that you´re almost swimming in it. I know that some people get turned on by sweat but let´s not forget that a lot of people find it disgusting with good reason!

If you´re lucky you live in a part of the world where you don´t have any hot weather during Summer, but that often means that things are a bit colder in Winter. The good thing about Winter is that you can wear more clothes to protect yourself against the cold, unfortunately when it´s warm you need to take off clothes to cool down unless you have some serious equipment to keep yourself cool! It´s not easy to have a latex or leather fetish in Summer but to be honest you don´t need to wear latex or leather to enjoy it, which is actually a subtle hint to everyone that finds it unbearable to wear it in Summer.

zondag 6 juli 2014

Unwanted touching!

This might seem silly but it´s something that happens more often than you think, unwanted touching! So what is unwanted touching? It means that someone touches you but you don´t want to be touched or at least not by that person. I´m not talking about pretending to be important and people can´t touch you, no I´m talking about people that rub their crotch against someone else or put their hands on you when you clearly don´t want that!

Last week I met someone in a shop and we were talking, we were both dressed in leather and kind of stuck out among the other people in the shop. So while I was talking with her a man moved behind her and while moving past her he rubbed his crotch against her butt and put his hands on her sides. He almost whispered sorry and with a smile on his face quickly ran away. This guy could´ve easily moved around us but chose the path that would allow him to get close to her and rub his junk against her. Maybe you think that this guy is great for doing that but if you think that women are happy with this then you´ve clearly seen some terrible soft porn movies!

The woman I was talking with actually stayed calm, she didn´t freak out and didn´t yell. But I could see by the look on her face that she wasn´t happy! So what can you do about that? What should you do about that? Well you can make a scene in the middle of a shop but I think at that moment you don´t want attention drawn to what happened, you probably just want to forget it and move on. But it bothers me, because some scumbag gets away with being a pathetic loser and apparently this is normal. Oh people will say that it´s wrong and that guy should be locked up but in reality nothing happens, even when someone would be caught and sentenced then that person is out on the streets within a short period of time. But that doesn´t mean you should let it happen!

Perhaps it´s difficult for some people to understand but it´s not nice to touch a stranger, even when you know someone then that person isn´t always interested in being touched. Respect someones personal space! It seems childish but I think people have the right of having some personal space, it might be difficult in crowded places but when there is enough room to move around then you don´t have to get too close to others. This isn´t about asking for permission, this is about having some decency towards another person!

zaterdag 28 juni 2014

Desperate Doms/Dommes?

As a frequent visitor on the internet you´re probably familiar with people that are desperate (aka attention whore), people that make nude pictures hoping this will get them attention and often it does. But the attention they get isn´t always what they´re looking for. Even if it is then it´s still a desperate move to go there. You might think only some people do this but in fact there are a lot of people that do this, even Doms/Dommes!

Nude Doms/Dommes? Well it´s nothing new really, but I find it so distasteful when people post nude pictures online in some desperate attempt to get attention. As a Dom/Domme you should have some dignity, well to be honest every person out there shouldn´t post nude pictures of himself or herself online. Even on certain sites I wouldn´t recommend it. As a Domme I find it difficult to understand why another Dom/Domme would do such a thing, because posting nude pictures has very little to do with domination and it´s actually more a submissive move in my opinion.

What wrong with nude pictures? In a way there is nothing wrong with nude pictures, but it´s wrong to post them online for everyone else to see them. If it´s something you want to share with someone special then so be it, but to go online and share it with the rest of the world or even in a certain group of people just seems weird to me. Because what type of signal do you give to others? Not a dominant signal! But then there are people that call this art, well that´s probably a matter of opinion and I don´t see how that justifies someone posting nude pictures. I find it rather disgusting when people have to show nude pictures just like that, what happened to teasing pictures where you could only see a glimpse that made you want more? A lot of people seem to have lost their creativity and decided to show everything just like that, easy and simple!

Of course it doesn´t end with just one or two nude pictures, no some people have a penis profile picture that appears everywhere. It´s great that someone is proud of his or her private parts but keep it in your pants, nobody with even the slightest hint of intelligence wants to see that! It´s sad that Doms/Dommes also participate in such behaviour. But it doesn´t surprise me, a lot of people say that they´re a Dom/Domme and they´re just a sad case that lives in a fantasy world. What does surprise me is that it´s not just young Doms/Dommes, even the older Doms/Dommes seem to do this. Which is quite sad and I´m disappointed that people are so easily turned to something that is just sad. But maybe that´s the world we live in now, you get to see everything and you don´t have to do anything for it.

zondag 22 juni 2014

Hiding the smell of rubber

When you like latex then you probably know about the smell, which isn´t a bad smell but you can clearly smell it if there is latex near you. Which is why some people that keep their kinky life a secret have a difficult time trying to hide the smell of rubber in their house. Which is understandable but it´s not a crime to have latex clothes! Besides if people recognize the smell then they´re probably more familiar with latex then they´re willing to admit!

Why are people hiding the latex clothes? A lot of people find latex clothes weird or they assume that you must be a prostitute or something like that. Somehow wearing latex makes you a bad person, at least in the eyes of some people. Nobody likes to be judged, especially not by family or friends. So to avoid such unpleasant moments it´s quite common that people hide their latex clothes. Which also means that they have to hide the smell of rubber, because that can be quite strong.

What about people that wear latex clothes under casual clothes? People who wear latex clothes under their casual clothes take a risk, but are most likely willing to take that risk. But it´s usually new latex clothes that have the strongest smell, so don´t worry about latex clothes that are a bit older. I wouldn´t underestimate the power of the smell though, but if you don´t care about that then do whatever you like. Just remember that people will notice the smell and then the questions come, so I hope you have a good excuse ready or if you feel like sharing your kinky side with others then by all means tell them about your latex clothes. I wouldn´t be ashamed, but I can understand why some people prefer to keep that side hidden from family and friends.

How do you hide the smell? You can use candles with a nice smell to them when you light them, it brings a nice setting to any room and it can perfectly hide that rubber smell. Of course if you don´t like candles you can also spray some deodorant or something similar in the room, it´s not that difficult to hide the rubber smell. But you can also just put your latex clothes in a good spot where family and friends don´t get close, a private closet to give it a name. I actually like the smell, so I don´t really see the need to hide it. When people ask me what that smell is then I just say it´s a new game, that usually has a type of plastic smell and for people that are unfamiliar with latex it could be the same thing. But to anyone that is familiar with latex they´ll know it´s not!

zaterdag 21 juni 2014

Don´t be afraid to ask for advice!

I heard something disturbing a couple of days ago, a young Domme asked for some advice and instead got a lecture from an older Domme. This older Domme decided to judge this young Domme purely from what she could read on her profile and went even so far to read all the public messages she had left, which shows that this older Domme was just an annoying cow with too much spare time. What´s I´m trying to say is, don´t be afraid to ask for advice!

What´s up with the negativity? Don´t be suprised to get negativity from people when you ask for something, for every nice comment there will always be a bad comment and there isn´t much you can do about that. But instead of letting that keep you from asking for advice you can just ignore the bad replies and focus on the good ones. There are actually people out there that are willing to help!

So people judge eachother? Welcome to the internet, where people judge eachother based on (almost) nothing! Yes it´s that bad, but you shouldn´t let that keep you from asking for advice. Sometimes people with experience forget that there was a time and a place that they were new to BDSM, but now they think they know a lot and have the right to judge those who don´t have a lot of experience. If that´s what they think then they´re not as experienced as they think, they´re definately not as wise as they think! There is nothing wrong with asking questions, this way you learn and learning is never a bad thing!

It´s sad really that people hesitate to ask questions out of fear for bad responses, I guess there is always a risk that people will reply and won´t be nice to you. But never let that keep you from asking for advice! Actually people that will attack you are often sad people that have no life and thus see it as their job to keep you from having a life as well. So instead of being worried about people like that you could feel pity, if you are willing to waste time on people like that. Make the most of the time you have and don´t be afraid to ask for advice! You´re never too old to ask for advice!

vrijdag 20 juni 2014

Handbook of happiness!

(1) Be happy! Yes whenever someone says that it makes me want to shoot myself, but to be honest when you feel sad then things usually don´t get better by staying sad. So embrace that little bit of happiness you have left and hug the crap out of your teddy, it´s time to smile!

(2) Embrace yourself! No not literally! Well you could do that, but I mean that you should accept who you really are and stop pretending. If you can´t accept yourself then how can anyone else accept you?

(3) Smile! Oh yes that can be difficult, how the hell can you smile at others especially when you don´t like them? Instead of thinking what you don´t like, think about what you do like. Otherwise try to imagine people being naked or strapped in latex, that usually makes me smile!

(4) Make love, not war! That seems like a good idea but how to make love when you´re alone? Unless you have no hands then there shouldn´t be an excuse, but seriously treat others with respect and hopefully you get respect in return! If people hate you for being yourself, then they just need a hug or a kick in the face! Oh wait, that´s not love....

(5) Do the unexpected! Sounds daring and I guess it is, but if you always do the same stuff and it makes you unhappy then maybe it´s a good idea to try something new! You don´t have to be extreme with such things, but if you want to spice things up then you won´t get complaints from me!

(6) Listen to music! Music has a strong effect on people, so don´t underestimate the strength of music! If you´re feeling sad then listen to something that makes you happy or maybe even hopeful. It´s better than watching how grass grows, which can be fascinating but you don´t want to look back at your life and mention that as one of your highlights!

(7) Do good things! It seems simple but people don´t always think of the greater good, it´s easier to think about me me me me me me....well you know what I mean! If you do something nice for someone else then that makes you happy as well, bring happiness to others and you´ll feel better yourself. If not then at least the other person is happy, that´s at least something!

(8) Meet new people! Hanging around the same people all your life might be boring, even when it´s not then it´s nice to meet new people and maybe meet someone interesting. Don´t be afraid to say hi to strangers, they don´t bite! Well not all of them....

(9) Take good care of yourself! It´s nice if you always do things for others, but don´t forget about yourself! Take a day off and have a great time with whatever it is that relaxes you. Remember, it´s not forbidden to use your hands!

(10) Don´t listen to what others tell you to do! Hah didn´t expect that, did you? In a way that means forget about everything I just said, but you could also think about not trying to please others but try to find your own way in life. Don´t be afraid to follow your own dreams, even if that means leaving family or friends behind. Not everyone can always follow you on your path, which is a shame but that´s how it goes. But there are other people you can meet along the way, don´t let anyone or anything stop you from being happy!

zaterdag 14 juni 2014

Do people treat you differently when they find out about your kinky lifestyle?

Some people with a kinky side keep that side hidden from family and friends out of fear that they´ll be treated differently or even lose contact with them. I won´t say that this doesn´t happen because it does happen and it sucks, but then again if your friends treat you differently because of something you like then they´re not really your friends. Family is a bit more complicated, you can´t pick your family so you might be even more reluctant to tell them about your kinky side but sometimes family can suprise you and be supportive. Unfortunately not everyone has that much luck.

Do you have to tell your family and friends about your kinky side? No you don´t have to, maybe there are Doms/Dommes that forces their sub to tell their family and friends but I disagree that a sub has to do that. Because with this being so personal I find is unacceptable for a Dom/Domme to mess with that and any decent Dom/Domme wouldn´t do that! Maybe it´s a friendly push to help a sub, but it´s best not to mess with someones personal life. There is nothing wrong with support but there are limits and ruining someones life seems off limits to me!

How do you tell your family and friends about your kinky side? If you´re uncertain about it then I´d suggest you think about it some more before you tell your family and friends, because once you tell them you can´t take it back. Of course there is nothing to be ashamed off, but sometimes it´s better to keep your kinky side and your family and friends side separate. They don´t always mix that well and it´s sometimes difficult to explain to family and friends why you like certain kinky things. It´s sometimes easier to just keep it from them, but I can understand it can be difficult to not include family and friends to a certain part of your life. Just be careful with what you say and remember that not everyone will understand or accept a kinky side.

I think crossdressers have a difficult choice to make when it comes to telling family and friends about their crossdressing side, which sometimes becomes much more than just dressing up. I´ve heard several times that people are scared to tell their family and friends because they think that they won´t be accepted if they would know. It´s tough to tell them and sometimes it´s better not to tell them, especially if you´re pretty certain that they won´t accept that kinky side of you. I think you know what´s best and if you should or shouldn´t tell family and friends about your kinky side. Just remember that there are friendly people out there, people that accept you for who you are and love that kinky side just as much as you!

zaterdag 7 juni 2014

How do you know that someone has a kinky side?

It´s not easy to figure that out, especially if someone keeps that side hidden. It might be tempting to assume things but that could turn ugly if you´re wrong, so the best thing you can do if you want to be certain is just ask. But try to be subtle about it, asking directly might be invasive even for a friend! So instead of asking if someone has a kinky side you could ask how they feel about wearing latex or leather. It doesn´t have to mean anything but at least it gives you an idea, the other person will probably want to know why you ask that and this could give you the chance to tell them a bit about your kinky side.

If you´re afraid that you´ll scare someone away then just be patient, it´s not that you need to know these things on the first date. Besides if you like someone then like someone for who they are, not for having the same interests as you. Of course it´s nice if you both have the same interests, but I don´t think that this is something that is required to make a relationship work. Talking is never a bad thing, so if you want to try something new then it´s not a bad idea to talk about it with your partner. If you have a kinky side then suggest something that turns you on, once again being subtle is the key. For example telling your girlfriend that you´d like the Catwoman outfit and wouldn´t mind seeing her dressed like that is a good way to introduce some roleplay in the bedroom. Of course this isn´t something you introduce to a relationship in the first week, once again patience is often rewarded!

If someone wears a leather jacket or leather pants then that means he or she has a kinky side? If only it was that simple, but no it doesn´t have to mean that someone has a kinky side. Some people just like wearing leather or people that ride on a motorcycle wear leather to stay warm. So it´s a good idea not to assume something purely based on what someone is wearing. But there are outfits that will probably strongly suggest that someone has a kinky side, but you don´t often see people wear that in public.

The best way to meet people with a kinky side is online, people are more open online and there are several sites where kinky people meet eachother. You might even find people you know on such sites, which might be a pleasant suprise. It´s not impossible to find other people like you, but it can sometimes be tough. So instead of trying to look for people just like you, it might be a good idea to meet just friendly people that are fun to hang around with. A kinky side isn´t the most important part of someone!

vrijdag 30 mei 2014

A Dom/Domme is only interested in an experienced sub?

Especially people that are new to BDSM are curious about this, but it makes sense that someone would want to know. Some people don´t care if they´re refused but to others it can be quite harmful if a Dom/Domme isn´t interested in him or her because he or she isn´t an experienced sub. Which makes sense I guess, but I find it silly that a Dom/Domme would respond like that. Because if you never give someone a chance then how will he or she ever learn?

Nobody was born as an all knowing and experienced Dom/Domme or sub, we all started somewhere. Some people seem to forget that and can act a bit like a snob towards people who are not as experienced, of course it´s their decision and nobody can force a Dom/Domme to accept a sub but it´s nice if you´re willing to help and guide someone. That doesn´t mean that you have to accept someone, but instead of ignoring someone you can at least point them in the right direction.

Some Doms/Dommes even prefer an inexperienced sub, but I don´t think you should count on that. Some don´t mind but usually a Dom/Domme would prefer an experienced sub, but I wouldn´t give up just like that! Because there are several Doms/Dommes willing to teach or explain things to those that are willing to learn and listen. It´s a good idea to be honest about being inexperienced, even when you think that it might damage your D/s relationship because honesty is important!

I don´t speak for every Dom/Domme but I do think that there are a lot of friendly Doms/Dommes out there and it wouldn´t suprise me if there are people out there that are willing to help. I don´t say that someone that is willing to help you understand will also accept you as a sub. But the more you learn the better your chances are on finding a Dom/Domme for you!

Does it matter how you look? I´d love to say that looks don´t matter but that would be a lie, for some people it´s important and others don´t find it important. If you think your looks will influence your succes to be accepted as a sub then try something new, for example try a new look or spice things up a bit. But above everything just be yourself, don´t pretend to be someone or something you´re not! If a Dom/Domme can´t accept your for who you are then that Dom/Domme isn´t worth your time!

zaterdag 24 mei 2014

A Dom/Domme can´t be nice?

A lot of vanilla people seem to be under the impression that a Dom/Domme must be a horrible person, purely based on their vision of BDSM. I know that this is often based on how they look at BDSM without actually knowing much about it. But isn´t that how it is with so many things in life? People already have an opinion which is often based on prejudice instead of actual facts. So it´s no suprise to me that some people are quick to judge others purely based on what they do and without actually getting to know them first.

So a Dom/Domme can be nice? Of course! Did you really think a Dom/Domme is evil? That you must be a miserably wretch if you want to be considered as a Dom/Domme? Of course not! There is no need to be rude, especially if someone wants to learn about BDSM then it doesn´t help if you´re being a twat. Maybe some people want to be treated badly by their Dom/Domme, but I don´t see it as a standard and I definately don´t encourage stupid behaviour!

What about Doms/Dommes that aren´t nice, they´re not good Doms/Dommes? One person isn´t the other, if one sees the need to be unfriendly then so be it. I wouldn´t appreciate such behaviour and definately not welcome it, but sometimes subs look for this type of behaviour in a Dom/Domme. Maybe you find this weird and in a way it is, because domination doesn´t mean being rude or unfriendly. You don´t dominate someone by being mean, but it wouldn´t suprise me if that works for some Doms/Dommes. What one person finds strange the other might consider to be acceptable.

Often when someone treats a Dom/Domme with respect then I don´t see why he or she wouldn´t be nice to you or at least shows you respect in return. But as I mentioned before, we all have our own way and one person isn´t the other. So don´t always expect that kindness and respect is answered with the same type of kindness and respect. Eventhough some people might be unfriendly at least they´re being honest, so if you don´t like that then at least you know. I´d say you´d prefer that then when someone pretends to be nice and eventually suprises you with their unfriendly behaviour. Kindness isn´t always greeted with kindness, but don´t let that discourage you for being kind to others! Also just be yourself, you don´t have to pretend to be someone you´re not. There is nothing wrong with a friendly and helpful Dom/Domme!

zondag 18 mei 2014

When you can´t respect your Dom/Domme....

It might seem unthinkable to some people but it happens, a sub that can´t respect his or her Dom/Domme. There can be several reasons why this happened, which don´t even have to be the fault of someone. Sometimes people just change, still it´s harsh to suddenly out of nowhere decide to drop your Dom/Domme without giving any reason. The same counts for Doms/Dommes that drop their sub for no reason, you might think that this is acceptable but in fact it´s not!

Some subs have trouble respecting a Dom/Domme that is dumb, which is pretty harsh and unfair because judging someone for his or her intelligence is a low blow! Some people are smarter than others and sometimes people are just not that smart, but that doesn´t make them awful or gives you the right to disrespect them! If a Dom/Domme has always treated you with respect then why would you disrespect him or her just because he or she isn´t that smart? Maybe you´re smart and you find it difficult to worship someone that isn´t as smart as you, but then again maybe you´re just not cut out to be a sub....

A sub that doesn´t respects his or her Dom/Domme is the worst? I wouldn´t go that far, sometimes a Dom/Domme can be annoying or act in such a way that it becomes difficult for the sub to respect that person. Respect is something you earn, not that is automaticly given. Especially a Dom/Domme that just calls himself or herself a Dom/Domme without knowing what that actually means might find it difficult to get respect from others. Ignorance isn´t a crime, but pretending to know things while you clearly don´t know much is just foolish!

Sometimes the blame is on both sides, some people just don´t fit well with eachother and then it´s better to part ways. Don´t force yourself in a situation where no good comes from, you don´t do yourself nor the other a favour with that! It´s not a crime to be disrespectful, but some will take it badly and sometimes that´s not so strange. When there are troubles in a D/s relationship then talk about it, if something troubles you then mention it. It´s easy to hide feelings or doubts about something, but it´s better to talk about these things. If you still find it difficult to respect your Dom/Domme then maybe it´s better to part ways, perhaps there is someone else out there for you or maybe you´re just not cut out to be a sub. Life is a journey where you learn along the way, don´t get stuck on the first obstacle!

zaterdag 10 mei 2014

It´s all about sex?

Maybe it´s just me but I get the feeling that more and more people seem to be interested in sex than BDSM. Even on websites about BDSM it seems the main topic is sex. It usually starts subtle with people looking for other people but it often comes down to people that look other people for sex. But it doesn´t stop there, people want to know how many times you´ve had sex and what your most kinky spot was to have sex. So I guess it is all about sex....

Of course there´s nothing wrong with sex, but I think there is a time and a place to talk about such things. I don´t think that the first post in a group for BDSM is that place! Sex is important in a relationship but it shouldn´t be the first thing you talk about when you meet someone, especially when the other person is a stranger. Which is why I´m a bit suprised how open and honest (assuming that people tell the truth) people are in such topics. Maybe it´s a cry for attention and it could also be a way of finding other people, but I don´t think that this is the best way to do so. There are far more subtle ways of getting the attention of someone without having to talk about sex.

So when should you start talking about sex? Well that´s up to you, I mean there isn´t really a rule for that and I don´t think you can make a rule for that. But I don´t think it´s something you talk about when you hardly know someone. Unfortunately people are often more obnoxious online and that usually means less civilized behaviour. When I want to get to know someone then sex isn´t really a topic I talk about, because it´s not something that I´d be interested in talking about when I don´t know someone that well. Wouldn´t you first want to know the favourite movie of someone or what his or her job is? That seems to be a bit more interesting and it´s less invasive, because talking about sex with someone you barely know could be considered as rude and might have a negative effect on the conversation. If you really want to bring it up then I would really suggest to wait with that, because it´s not something everyone feels like talking about with someone they don´t know. Maybe there are exceptions but most people are often not that open about their sex life!

If there is a mutual attraction then the subject will come up sooner or later, but once again I wouldn´t rush things. People that have to talk about sex already in the first ten minutes of a conversation usually sound like a desperate case, even when you´re not some people might take you for one. I don´t think you want to be seen as a desperate case and even if you´re one I doubt you want to be seen as one, so take your time and talk about other things. Show some interest by asking about what they like or what they do, try to be original with your questions and you might actually get the attention of someone. That´s hardly ever a bad thing!

donderdag 8 mei 2014

How do you know your sub is sincere?

It would be nice if you could have a detector that would recognize sincere behaviour and when someone is lying to you. I think most people like to get compliments or positive reactions, but what if someone only telling you these things for a reason? I don´t think it takes a genius to recognize people that are just trying to get closer to you with compliments, which isn´t always meant with bad intentions but I don´t think that someone needs to give compliments to be nice to someone. But it´s nice when someone gives you a compliment, it´s not something you should find suspecious just like that!

So what is suspecious behaviour? I don´t think I have to mention this but in case you´re having doubts then I don´t mind point out some things I´d consider as suspecious. When someone constantly agrees with you and likes everything you like then I find that odd, because as much as people can have things in common I doubt that people always agree with you and have exactly the same interests as you. Another thing I find strange is when people constantly have to mention how pretty you are or how wonderful you are, even when it´s just a compliment it´s weird when someone tells you this all the time. There is nothing wrong with a compliment, but don´t go crazy with compliments because that can have a negative effect on people!

As a sub you want to please your Dom/Domme and there is nothing wrong with that, but don´t go crazy when it comes to pleasing. It doesn´t mean you have to agree with everything or tell every five minutes how wonderful your Dom/Domme is. Maybe you want to let your Dom/Domme know that you have feelings for him or her. It´s smart to talk with your Dom/Domme about that, instead of constantly complimenting him or her. I think it´s better to be clear about something than to constantly evade what you really mean or want, because it can be confusing or just irritating to the other. Also if you disagree with someone or you have doubts about something, then be clear about that instead of pretending to be fine with something. In a D/s relationship honesty is very important!

If you do have doubts about your sub or Dom/Domme for that matter, then I would suggest to talk to him or her, maybe there is just a misunderstanding and I wouldn´t suggest to take any actions without first making certain that you´re correct about something you find suspecious. No matter how well someone lies, sooner or later the truth will always reach the surface! Of course it´s a shame if you´ve wasted weeks, months or maybe even years on someone that lied to you. So if you have doubts, questions or even just a feeling that there is something that bothers you then talk about it!

dinsdag 6 mei 2014

When it gets too hot for boots....

It´s Spring and Summer is on the way! This usually means warm temperatures and sweaty situations for everyone with a love for wearing latex or leather. So it´s not a bad idea to wear something else, but what if you have to wear latex or leather at least once a day?

If you´re like me and you prefer to wear latex and leather as much as you can then that means you´re in for some rough times when it gets warmer. Maybe for some people it´s actually quite nice to be in a sweaty outfit, but I don´t think that this counts for everyone. The worst part for anyone with a boot fetish must be the time of the year where it´s too hot to wear boots. But maybe it´s the same thing with some latex and leather lovers, sweaty feet in boots are a big turn on for some people. I find it rather disgusting, I´m not a big fan of sweat and that´s why things get a bit unbearable for me when it´s hot outside and inside.

Wearing boots feels nice and anyone with a boot fetish will probably want to wear them at least once a day, but if you´re just like me and don´t like to drown your feet in sweat then it might be difficult to wear boots when it´s warm. Unless you wear special boots that let your feet breath so you don´t sweat as much as you normally would. But are those boots still from the material that turns you on? Well some of them are, but leather boots aren´t really known for letting your feet breath. Which means it´s warm for your feet to wear leather boots and that might make it unpleasant to wear them on a warm day.

Whenever I go horseback riding I wear riding boots, they´re made out of leather and they´re pretty tight around my feet and legs. This means that my feet get a bit sweaty and that´s not very pleasant, but this shouldn´t stand in the way for someone with a boot fetish. So the same counts for me wearing leather boots on a hot day, it might not always be pleasant for my feet but I still love wearing boots. I don´t want to deny myself from wearing boots just because it´s warm. Of course I won´t be wearing them all day and probably avoid walking around too much in them, this keeps things cool and pleasant for me. Boots are great and it´s a shame if you deny yourself such pleasure, sometimes you just have to find a way and that makes it worth even in the unpleasant moments!

zondag 4 mei 2014

When you can´t follow someone in his or her fetish

We all have a fetish, I´d say most of us probably more than one. Sometimes a fetish can be considered as weird or wrong, but what one person might consider weird or wrong the other might consider as normal or acceptable. So don´t be suprised if you meet someone that has a fetish that you don´t like and something you don´t want to get involved with.

So how do you deal with that? Well the best thing you can do is be honest, don´t do something you don´t want to or something you consider as wrong. Because it´s better to be honest about these things, the longer you pretend the more you´ll dislike it and that could cause friction in a relationship. But it´s not nice to call someone weird because you don´t like his or her fetish, instead you could talk about his or her fetish and find some common ground. For example a guy that is into strap ons and his girlfriend doesn´t like wearing one, then his girlfriend could use something else to still give him his anal pleasure.

Can an uncommon fetish cause trouble in a relationship? It´s possible, but I would assume something in advance just like that. Unless you know that your fetish isn´t accepted by a lot of people, then it´s safe to assume that someone might not like it. So do you tell your partner about it? If it´s really something disturbing or weird then you might want to keep it to yourself, especially when you know your partner isn´t into something like that. But in a good relationship you can tell your partner a lot, there is no shame in a relationship where you love and respect eachother.

I would really advice to find something else if your partner isn´t interested in your fetish, maybe there is something else you like or something similar? Just talk with your partner and hopefully you can find something you can both enjoy. There are no guarantees though, which means revealing a certain fetish might cause problems in a relationship. But it´s better to be honest about something you consider important than to live a lie and pretend everything is good when it´s clearly not. Besides wouldn´t it be better to spend your time with someone that has the same fetish as you or has an interest in your fetish? That´s not a requirement for a relationship, but it will definately help make a relationship stronger and intenser!

zaterdag 3 mei 2014

Horny during a session

In the heat of the moment, during a session, it´s easy to forget about rules and sometimes rules are broken. It wouldn´t be the first time for a Dom/Domme to give in to temptation and I think it happens more than you think. But it´s wrong to assume that it will happen during a session, because a professional Dom/Domme usually keeps things under control. But in the end we´re only people, we have feelings and emotions too. So getting horny during a session is nothing new, but how to handle that isn´t always easy for everyone!

A lot of Doms/Dommes have clear rules, but when things become confusing then it´s good to remind yourself of the rules you made. Are you willing to break your own rules or are you going to stick to those rules? I know temptation and I know that it´s hard to resist sometimes. For example a sub in a latex catsuit is very sexy, but as much as that latex body is rubbing against mine I´m not going to give in. I´d be going against my own rules and if I break my own rules then how can I expect other to follow them? That doesn´t mean that I´m not horny, but I choose not to give in to temptation.

Sometimes these feelings are just in the heat of the moment, afterwards you might not feel that way anymore. Which another reason why I would suggest to think before you act on a feeling, if you have a good thing going with your sub then you don´t want to ruin that by giving to a feeling you get for just a moment. That´s not love, that seems more like lust to me. Not that there is anything wrong with lust, but I don´t think it´s worth risking a good D/s relationship. I´m not saying that having sex with your sub ruins everything, but as a professional Dom/Domme it´s frowned upon to do so. But if you choose to be in a relationship with this person, then that changes things of course.

When the temptation becomes too big for you then it might be a good idea to take a break, but it also helps if you talk with your sub about it. This might be embarrassing to admit to your sub but I doubt that he or she will make fun of you. Maybe there are mutual feelings and who knows where that may lead to? Just be certain that these feelings are feelings of love and not lust, because lust comes and goes while love stays. Don´t be suprised if it´s just the heat of the moment, it happens to a lot of people and it´s nothing to be ashamed of. We´re only human and getting excited is just a way of your body telling you that you like something, there is nothing wrong with that!

donderdag 1 mei 2014

How do you use your whip?

I sometimes get questions about how you use a whip, because a lot of people are uncertain about using a whip on their sub or a Dom/Domme using a whip on him or her. Which is quite understandable if you don´t have a lot of experience in BDSM or if you never had any experience with a whip. The last thing you want to do is just try something, if you´re not careful you can seriously hurt someone and that could also be yourself. So don´t be an idiot and decide to just do something!

It´s not a bad idea to see the whip as an instrument, don´t see it as a weapon or a tool. You play an instrument with care and you let the instrument guide you. So in a way a whip is quite similar, because instead of just lashing out you should first feel the whip in your hand and make it a part of you. Which probably sounds a bit weird but I mean to say that it´s like making it feel more natural in your hand. Practice on a dummy or pillows and see how well your aim is and learn to feel the way a whip handles. At first it might be weird and maybe even scary, this is something you´ll just have to get through. The whip won´t bite you, but you can hurt yourself if you just wildly lash around! Which is why it´s a good idea you start with a small whip, starting with a bullwhip isn´t a good idea!

The first whip I used was a riding whip, which might seem weird but if it works on horses it also works on subs! It´s short and easy to use, so it shouldn´t be too difficult to use that. Don´t underestimate the whip though, because it can seriously hurt someone! Start with soft taps and then increase that with harder taps, up to the point where you can actually hear the impact of the whip. Once again practice makes perfect!

If you feel like something else you can also try a latex whip, which is softer but can still hurt when used correctly. It feels amazing on your skin and it´s a very intimate way of handling your sub if you both have a thing for latex. The bullwhip is really a whip for when you´re experienced with whips and even then it´s still tricky to use that whip correctly, once again start simple and then increase the lashing with force and speed.

Of course there is no rule that you have to use a whip when you´re a Dom/Domme, so don´t feel bad about not wanting to use a whip during a session. If you´re a sub and you don´t want your Dom/Domme to use a whip on you then you should really talk about that with your Dom/Domme, maybe he or she can help you get over the fear or you can talk about an alternative. Don´t be afraid to say that you don´t like something, it´s better to be honest in these situations!

zondag 27 april 2014

What does it mean to be a Dom/Domme?

Some people seem to think that a Dom/Domme is different than the rest of the world, but from my point of view I don´t think it´s really that different. There is no secret handshake and we don´t sleep upside down! Also this illusion of having to behave in a certain way because you´re a Dom/Domme is just silly! There aren´t any rules you have to stick to as a Dom/Domme, well of course the rules that count for us all but not that you can´t date your sub or watch cartoons. It´s your life, do with it what you want!

How do you know that you´re a Dom/Domme? It´s not something that you figure out just like that, I mean you might have a dominant vibe around you but you don´t become a Dom/Domme just out of the blue. Especially when you´re new to BDSM it´s not strange to learn from people that actually do have experience in BDSM, so don´t feel weird to ask questions or just learn from others! But you usually know if you´re a Dom/Domme, it´s a feeling that can´t be mistaken for something else. Still there is something I have to add to that, just because you feel like you´re a Dom/Domme it doesn´t make you one! Of course you can call yourself whatever you want, but it doesn´t automaticly make it so!

One Dom/Domme isn´t the other, which means that every person is unique and for a Dom/Domme that means that if you know one it doesn´t mean you know all! It´s easy to describe a Dom/Domme in a certain way, but there are plenty of Doms/Dommes that aren´t your typical Dom/Domme. Some might not even have thigh high boots or use a whip, it´s not like you get a package in the mail with all the basic needs a Dom/Domme should have. You create your own dominant presence, you make the rules and that should create a unique Dom/Domme.

Of course I can only speak from my own experience, maybe it´s different for other Doms/Dommes but I do think that we all have our own way of handling things. Which is good, because if we would all do things the exact same way then things would get boring real fast! Being a Dom/Domme can mean many things, for some power and for others control. Maybe even a bit of both! The most important part is that you´re comfortable in your life, you are who you are and there is no shame in being a Dom/Domme!

zaterdag 26 april 2014

Using your fetish against you....

This might seem weird but sometimes people can be quite crafty when it comes to getting into someones head, which is why it´s usually a good idea not to share too much information about yourself to complete strangers. Especially something as a fetish that is very important to you or that can greatly influence you. For example if you go horny for thigh high boots then someone can use that against you or if someone is a reall scumbag he or she can blackmail you with that. Eventhough thigh high boots aren´t something to be ashamed for, because they look nice!

Instead of just putting all your fetishes out in the open you might want to think before you do something like that, because you don´t want the wrong people to know about the things that make you horny. Sometimes it´s not a big secret, I mean if you can´t even look at something then someone else will pick up on that sooner or later. So if you want to keep something a secret then you´ll have to be careful, but not too careful of course because then you´ll still be giving away hints about that thing that interests you.

It´s of course easy and sometimes helpful to be open about your fetishes, this way you´re more likely to find other people that have similar interests. But I don´t think it´s a good idea to tell everything about yourself right away, there should be something people can learn about you or discover. That keeps things interesting! It´s quite similar when people post nude pictures of themself, when you put something like that in the open then what is there left for someone imagination? Maybe some people like that, personally I find it a sad cry for attention. I think someone in a fetish outfit is ten times more sexy than someone that is nude!

But if you don´t want to be too much of a mystery then you can always reveal some of your fetishes, for example something that is quite common and even accepted by a lot of people. But then again who really knows what people accept and what people don´t accept. Is latex acceptable? I don´t really care, because I like it and I wear it. I love to see latex on other people and I don´t make a secret of that. So someone could wear latex and try to drive me crazy with it, maybe that will work and maybe it won´t. But you should do something and wear something because you like it, not just to please someone else. Of course there is nothing wrong with pleasing someone else, just don´t make someone elses fetish your fetish when you´re absolutely not interested in it.

maandag 21 april 2014

Boots vs feet

You might think that someone that likes boots probably also likes feet but that´s not true, at least not for everyone. For some that means that they wear boots all the time, even sleep in them. Especially people that are disgusted by the sight of feet seem to have a stronger fixation on wearing boots or shoes for that matter. But are feet really disgusting?

I don´t really have a problem with feet, but to be honest I prefer boots over feet. That probably sounds weird but it´s just my personal opinion, I prefer the sight of boots than feet. Especially shiny boots, but that´s a whole different fetish for me! But it´s not just that, I love the feeling of wearing boots and touching boots. It´s something that I don´t have with bare feet. Of course there are people that do love feet, so much that they´ll worship feet and treat feet as something special. Which is not that different from boot worship, but feet feel a bit more real!

Something that can be quite disgusting is when someone has dirty feet, that´s just not attractive at all and I don´t think there are people interested in that. But the strange thing is that some people do get horny when they see dirty boots, some people with a boot fetish have this uncontrollable urge to lick them clean. Something I don´t see a lot in the foot fetish community, but maybe that´s just a better kept secret?

Another thing that works better with boots is that you can wear other types of boots, feet are a bit attached to someone so you can´t really do much about that. Of course you can decorate your feet with nail polish, to name something, but it doesn´t really give you that many options. But with boots you can wear whatever you like, there are so many types of boots to choose from!

What works well for me is that boots also symbolize power, when I wear thigh high boots I feel in control and I´m not saying that I need to wear those to feel like a Domme but they do give me a good feeling. Especially people that aren´t that tall love boots to add some extra inches to their height, but it´s not that you need boots to feel more like a Dom/Domme! I love to wear boots because they feel and look good. But what´s probably one of the best things about boots is that you can take them off after a long day and just enjoy a nice foot rub!

zaterdag 19 april 2014

Fantasizing about someone else during sex!

Maybe you´re the innocent type that finds this offensive, but actually this happens more often than you think! People just don´t mention this, with good reason, to their partner. Which makes sense because I think it would be painful if your partner has to fantasize about someone else during sex to get turned on. But I´d say if this happens a lot then you should talk about it, because there is only that much fantasy can do for you. Sooner or later you´ll have to deal with the fact that you´re not attracted to your partner anymore.

I think we´ve all done it at least once, fantasizing about someone else during sex isn´t a bad thing but I wouldn´t make a habit out of it. But maybe if you´re not really in the mood for sex and your partner is then maybe it helps if you fantasize a bit, it´s a great way to spice things up a bit. Of course roleplay helps even more, but that means that you´ll have to talk about a sexual fantasy with your partner and not everyone is always that open about those things. But it´s not a bad idea to talk about it, just try to be delicate about these things because you don´t want to give your partner the idea that he or she isn´t attractive or that you´re not attracted to him or her anymore. That´s something you want to avoid at all costs!

If fantasizing about other people becomes a frequent thing during sex then you might want to talk to your partner, because as much as it might seem harmless it´s of course not a good thing if you constantly do that. Maybe some people aren´t offended by that, but I don´t think people would like it if you think of someone else while having sex with them. For some it can be a sensitive subject and others couldn´t care less, it really depends on the person but I do think that in a serious relationship people wouldn´t appreciate that.

But what if your boyfriend or husband has erection problems? Well I don´t think fantasizing about other people will make that go away but if you think that it will help then you can always try it. But I don´t think it will make things better for the relationship, because I think you´ll feel worse when he´ll get erections while fantasizing about other people. That might give you the idea that he´s no longer attracted to you, which doesn´t really come as a suprise to me. But if it does work for you and it doesn´t bother your partner then it might not be a bad idea, just be careful with such things because it can get ugly if you´re not careful!

woensdag 9 april 2014

Leash or no leash?

I´ve heard from several Doms/Dommes that they sometimes find it difficult to take their sub out with a leash. It draws attention to you and your sub and it´s often not positive attention, but for the Doms/Dommes and of course subs that don´t like that type of attention it can be difficult to use a leash outside. A collar can be hidden, depending on what type of collar, but when you take your sub out with a leash then people can clearly see what you´re doing. So don´t be suprised if judgement and stares come along with that, which makes it not something for everyone.

I think it goes without saying but the opinions of strangers don´t really matter, because if you and your sub are having a good time doing what you do then who cares what other people think! Of course that´s easily said than done, which means that outside you might feel uncomfortable using a leash on your sub and maybe your sub isn´t that comfortable with that either. So does that mean that you stay inside? Some people keep their fetish lifestyle a secret from others, it´s all behind locked doors and that´s quite alright. Personally I find that a shame though, because sometimes I do feel like I´m the only one who´s interested in a kinky lifestyle. Because so many people walk around in their casual clothes and not their fetish clothes, which once again makes sense but it´s a shame because it´s a good way to meet people who like the same stuff as you.

How do you go from inside domination to outside domination? Usually with small steps, if you´re uncomfortable with this then you might want to start small instead of going crazy. A collar is a good way to start, but if that´s too much then use body language to make clear who the dominant one is. You walk up front and your sub walks behind you or your sub asks you for permission to do something, these seem like something small but it´s still dominating your sub. At the same time you´re getting slowly comfortable of dominating out in the open, sure it´s not that clear to others as when you walk around with your sub on a leash but I do think it´s a good way to start!

If people do decide to annoy you or taunt you, then it´s best to ignore them. Those that don´t understand you often don´t want to understand you, so anything you say to these people is often a waste of time. Don´t let that ruin your day or what you want to do, because if you want to go out with your sub on a leash then that´s your business and none of theirs!

zaterdag 5 april 2014

Lashing out at your sub

I know that some Doms/Dommes call themselves god or goddess but in the end we´re all humans. We have good days and we have bad days, on bad days frustration can sometimes push you to some bad behaviour. It´s easy to lash out at subs, but a professional Dom/Domme shouldn´t do such a thing. Well no Dom/Domme should do such a thing!

But isn´t BDSM a way of lashing out? I think if you see it like that then you´re not really getting it, because if BDSM was just a way of getting rid of your frustration then that would be a sad thing. It seems easy to just lash out, you´ll feel better for a moment and your sub might not even mind. But it´s wrong, that shouldn´t be your motivation to dominate! If you have a bad day then you might want to think about going through with your session, if you do decide to keep going then try to stay calm and don´t let your frustration get the best of you. I´d always recommend to keep personal affairs out of a session with a sub, especially when you´re a professionale Dom/Domme!

When you´re in a relationship with a Dom/Domme or sub then it´s not a suprise that you can get in a fight, but once again try to keep personal drama out of a session. It´s better to talk about things than reacting like a child and holding a grudge, maybe it feels good for a moment but this isn´t how a Dom/Domme should behave! If you want to be respected then it´s important that you give others respect. It seems simple but I´ve seen this go wrong multiple times.

So what can you do against this? Have some clear rules, these rules should protect you and your sub. This way you keep personal drama out of the sessions and have a good and fun experience for you both! Once again this seems simple, but it´s important that you´re both clear about this. Just pretending you´re ok with something is a good root for frustration, which is something you might want to avoid. If you have anger issues then you might want to think about being a Dom/Domme, because if the slightest thing can set you off then it might create an unwanted situation during a session. But talking about these things help, communication is important in a D/s relationship.