When you´re new to BDSM

I´ve heard it before, usually Doms/Dommes that are quite new to BDSM sometimes worry that they might hurt a sub too much, but even a more experienced Dom/Domme might sometimes have a bit of hesitation. This is nothing to be ashamed of and it´s better to care enough for your sub to consider this than to assume everything is fine and just do what you want to do. Usually a more experienced Dom/Domme will know where the line is, but it´s important that you communicate with your sub(s). This way you know how far you can go and what he or she likes and what not.


Hesitation means you´re not a real Dom/Domme? I find that such nonsense, first of all you´re human so you it´s not considered odd to have hesitations and only if you´d be a machine people would expect you to follow your programming! Don´t force yourself into situations you don´t want to be, so if you don´t feel comfortable doing something then don´t do it! It doesn´t make you less of a Dom/Domme if you have questions, I´d even say it´s a good thing if you have questions because that means you´re willing to learn and that´s never a bad thing!


If you´re new to BDSM then don´t make this a secret, learn from people that have more experience than you and don´t be afraid to ask questions. Use the knowledge that you´ve gathered to form your own opinion on BDSM, things you like and maybe even things you don´t like. We´re not all the same and there isn´t a rule that you have to like everything. Just be yourself and stay true to what you believe in, don´t be someone or something you´re not!


It´s important that you first get to know your sub a bit more, which means communicating and not just accepting people left and right. As a Dom/Domme there are a lot of people that might be interested in serving you but usually only a few are actually serious about that or considered as serious candidates to become someones sub. If you´re a sub and you feel like someone isn´t taking you serious then maybe you should look at how you introduce yourself, are you coming on too strong or maybe you just have other interests than the Dom/Domme you wish to serve.


Of course there is a chance that someone just isn´t interested in accepting new subs, this doesn´t have to do anything with you and you shouldn´t see that as a rejection. It sucks when you´re ignored and someone doesn´t even bother responding to you, but you should sometimes realize that some Doms/Dommes get a lot of messages and it´s easy to sometimes forget to respond to someone. Not everyone has always all the time in the world to respond. If you´re really looking for a Dom/Domme to serve then you might want to look further than the internet, go to BDSM parties or maybe there is even a meet up for kinksters near you. It´s always better to meet people in person, just remember that patience serves you better than trying to rush yourself into someones life. The most important thing is that you´re having fun and it´s even better if you can share this with someone else, it´s not always easy but definitely not impossible!