You might assume that most people that you find in the BDSM scene are in it because they like it, but you´d be wrong to think that because there are also people that do it for attention. Does that sound weird to you? Maybe, but let´s not forget that people sometimes do the weirdest things to get attention so perhaps it´s not that weird.
Is it a bad thing to be into BDSM for attention? I´m pretty certain that some people will say yes but when people admit that they´re in it for attention then that makes it a bit more acceptable in my opinion. Why? Because then you know why they´re into BDSM and then it´s up to you if you want to have anything to do with him or her. But I can definitely understand that some people find it annoying that some people would get into BDSM for attention.
Let´s not forget that we all have our own reasons for our actions, maybe not all reasons are considered as valid but does that make them wrong? I guess that´s also a matter of opinion, but why hate people that have a different reason to get into BDSM? Perhaps they like it so much that it becomes more than just a way to look for attention. Don´t be too quick with your opinion!
That doesn´t mean that everyone that is into BDSM for attention is a lovely person you want to get familiar with, but instead of hating you can also ignore them. You don´t have to like everyone, you don´t have to get along with everyone and you definitely don´t have to be friends with everyone.
It sucks though if someone you like turns out to be into BDSM for attention, especially if this person didn´t admit this to you in the first place. Perhaps you can talk about it, maybe his or her reasons to get into BDSM have changed or perhaps there is more to it. I´m not saying that it´s ok, but sometimes people have their reasons and if you don´t try to understand then what´s the point in trying to connect with others?
zaterdag 28 maart 2015
zaterdag 21 maart 2015
Talking about your kinky side
When you´re in a relationship it might be difficult to talk about your kinky side, especially when he or she has no idea you´re into that and as far as you know he or she isn´t into kink. This doesn´t mean that you should keep that side of you hidden, but if you´re going to tell him or her about your kinky side then you want to do it right!
First of all be honest, you can lie and pretend that nothing is wrong but keeping something like this hidden from your partner is just going to make your miserable in the long run and that usually doesn´t lead to happiness! Which is why it´s a good idea to talk about it, that doesn´t mean start suggesting things but just be open about what you like and what you´re into. This can be difficult and it would definitely be easier to keep it hidden, but it´s better to be honest and it might even open up new doors in your relationship.
Telling someone about your kinky side is revealing a part of yourself, which means you don´t do that to just everyone. I´m talking about having a certain level of trust with someone before you reveal your kinky side and once you reveal you can´t take it back. So be certain that you´re ready to talk about it, if you feel like you can´t tell your partner then you might want to look at your relationship and wonder how strong it is because if you can´t be honest with the person you love then that is saying something about your relationship!
Once you told your partner about your kinky side then that doesn´t automaticly mean that he or she will want something to do with that, so making suggestions that you could do something kinky together might be a mistake. Maybe some people would be ok with that but I´m pretty certain that not everyone would be ok with that, so you might want to take it easy. If someone is open for something spicy then it´s still a good idea to take it easy, make certain that it´s fun and not too extreme. If you want to introduce your partner to kink you don´t want to scare him or her away, but you want to interest them and hopefully that will lead to some more kink in your relationship. If not then you have to ask yourself if that´s ok with you, because if you need kink in your life then it´s difficult to stay with someone that hates it. It´s not impossible but it will be difficult.
First of all be honest, you can lie and pretend that nothing is wrong but keeping something like this hidden from your partner is just going to make your miserable in the long run and that usually doesn´t lead to happiness! Which is why it´s a good idea to talk about it, that doesn´t mean start suggesting things but just be open about what you like and what you´re into. This can be difficult and it would definitely be easier to keep it hidden, but it´s better to be honest and it might even open up new doors in your relationship.
Telling someone about your kinky side is revealing a part of yourself, which means you don´t do that to just everyone. I´m talking about having a certain level of trust with someone before you reveal your kinky side and once you reveal you can´t take it back. So be certain that you´re ready to talk about it, if you feel like you can´t tell your partner then you might want to look at your relationship and wonder how strong it is because if you can´t be honest with the person you love then that is saying something about your relationship!
Once you told your partner about your kinky side then that doesn´t automaticly mean that he or she will want something to do with that, so making suggestions that you could do something kinky together might be a mistake. Maybe some people would be ok with that but I´m pretty certain that not everyone would be ok with that, so you might want to take it easy. If someone is open for something spicy then it´s still a good idea to take it easy, make certain that it´s fun and not too extreme. If you want to introduce your partner to kink you don´t want to scare him or her away, but you want to interest them and hopefully that will lead to some more kink in your relationship. If not then you have to ask yourself if that´s ok with you, because if you need kink in your life then it´s difficult to stay with someone that hates it. It´s not impossible but it will be difficult.
zaterdag 14 maart 2015
Stick to the rules!
It´s a simple rule, stick to the rules! But you´d be surprised how many people try to break the rules. Maybe you´re one of those people that lives by the rules are meant to be broken motto, but in BDSM rules are there for a reason and not meant to be broken!
When a Dom/Domme doesn´t want to be touched then a sub shouldn´t try the patience of his or her Dom/Domme by trying to do it anyway. I know that not everyone is trying to be annoying, sometimes subs are just trying to be playful and provoke a Dom/Domme a bit hoping to be punished for that. But it´s a good idea to keep that to a minimum when you know that your Dom/Domme doesn´t like disobedience.
Not every Dom/Domme is that strict though, some might actually be more flexible. This isn´t a bad thing, but it might create some confusion because if you let one thing slide then what about the next thing and so on? Being strict with rules keeps it simple and keeping things simple is smart because that keeps things under control. I´d say as a Dom/Domme you want to keep things under control.
A lot of Doms/Dommes make rules, usually these rules are pretty standard but sometimes Dom/Dommes have some personal rules and as a sub you will have to stick to those rules. If you don´t want that then you´re probably not going to fit with that Dom/Domme and it´s better to move on. Because staying with someone that doesn´t fit well with you seems like a waste of time for you and for your Dom/Domme.
As a sub you can of course talk about the rules, I´d say giving your opinion is a good thing and maybe you can find a compromise when a sub isn´t a big fan of one or more rules. But remember that a Dom/Domme usually has these rules for a reason, so don´t expect any big changes. Rules keep a session fun and safe, both very important in BDSM!
When a Dom/Domme doesn´t want to be touched then a sub shouldn´t try the patience of his or her Dom/Domme by trying to do it anyway. I know that not everyone is trying to be annoying, sometimes subs are just trying to be playful and provoke a Dom/Domme a bit hoping to be punished for that. But it´s a good idea to keep that to a minimum when you know that your Dom/Domme doesn´t like disobedience.
Not every Dom/Domme is that strict though, some might actually be more flexible. This isn´t a bad thing, but it might create some confusion because if you let one thing slide then what about the next thing and so on? Being strict with rules keeps it simple and keeping things simple is smart because that keeps things under control. I´d say as a Dom/Domme you want to keep things under control.
A lot of Doms/Dommes make rules, usually these rules are pretty standard but sometimes Dom/Dommes have some personal rules and as a sub you will have to stick to those rules. If you don´t want that then you´re probably not going to fit with that Dom/Domme and it´s better to move on. Because staying with someone that doesn´t fit well with you seems like a waste of time for you and for your Dom/Domme.
As a sub you can of course talk about the rules, I´d say giving your opinion is a good thing and maybe you can find a compromise when a sub isn´t a big fan of one or more rules. But remember that a Dom/Domme usually has these rules for a reason, so don´t expect any big changes. Rules keep a session fun and safe, both very important in BDSM!
zondag 22 februari 2015
As a Dom/Domme where do you draw the line?
To be honest I´d say that´s up to you, because we all have our own limits and I don´t think that one limit applies to all of us. But there are definitely lines that you shouldn´t cross, for example when you´re a professional Dom/Domme you don´t have sex with your subs. If the temptation becomes too strong for you then it´s better that you stop with the session, you can talk about it with this sub and if the feelings are mutual then you can always start a relationship with this sub. It´s not impossible!
Sometimes subs try to seek out where the line is, for example sometimes there are subs that will ask for a handjob. Is that the same as sex? Not exactly but it´s still something that I wouldn´t do, if there are Doms/Dommes out there that would do that then that´s their business. As a Dom/Domme you could ask yourself if a handjob fits in your session, the same counts for subs that want to be fingered. I know that some Doms/Dommes decide when a sub is allowed to ejaculate but you don´t need to have your hands on for that!
A fetish that isn´t accepted by a lot of people is the golden shower, it´s not a surprise that subs are reluctant to talk about that when they´re interested in that. Once again it´s up to you if you´re interested in that, don´t do something you´re not comfortable with because that doesn´t make anyone happy. It´s better to refuse than to give a sub false hope. It´s smart to first talk with a sub before you start a session, especially if this is someone you don´t know much about. Hopefully this keeps confusion and misunderstandings out of the session.
There are also Doms/Dommes that don´t handle blood that well, this is nothing to be ashamed for and it´s better to be honest about this than to put yourself through something you don´t want and/or like! I seriously doubt a sub will think less of you because you don´t like blood, but this should also be something you should talk about before you start the session!
Unfortunately things can get much worse, for example some people like to include animals in a BDSM session. I don´t like that at all! I doubt that there are a lot of Doms/Dommes out there that want to do that. There is nothing wrong with making suggestions but sometimes it´s better to keep certain things to yourself, especially if you don´t know eachother that well. Of course things can get even creepier or weirder but I think you got the idea.
Don´t be afraid to say no, wether you´re a Dom/Domme or a sub. If you´re uncertain about something then don´t do it, it´s better to be safe than sorry! If you´re really curious about something then you can always do some research, there is nothing wrong with that. I would suggest that you stick with what you know and what you like, that usually leads to a good session and a lot of fun!
Sometimes subs try to seek out where the line is, for example sometimes there are subs that will ask for a handjob. Is that the same as sex? Not exactly but it´s still something that I wouldn´t do, if there are Doms/Dommes out there that would do that then that´s their business. As a Dom/Domme you could ask yourself if a handjob fits in your session, the same counts for subs that want to be fingered. I know that some Doms/Dommes decide when a sub is allowed to ejaculate but you don´t need to have your hands on for that!
A fetish that isn´t accepted by a lot of people is the golden shower, it´s not a surprise that subs are reluctant to talk about that when they´re interested in that. Once again it´s up to you if you´re interested in that, don´t do something you´re not comfortable with because that doesn´t make anyone happy. It´s better to refuse than to give a sub false hope. It´s smart to first talk with a sub before you start a session, especially if this is someone you don´t know much about. Hopefully this keeps confusion and misunderstandings out of the session.
There are also Doms/Dommes that don´t handle blood that well, this is nothing to be ashamed for and it´s better to be honest about this than to put yourself through something you don´t want and/or like! I seriously doubt a sub will think less of you because you don´t like blood, but this should also be something you should talk about before you start the session!
Unfortunately things can get much worse, for example some people like to include animals in a BDSM session. I don´t like that at all! I doubt that there are a lot of Doms/Dommes out there that want to do that. There is nothing wrong with making suggestions but sometimes it´s better to keep certain things to yourself, especially if you don´t know eachother that well. Of course things can get even creepier or weirder but I think you got the idea.
Don´t be afraid to say no, wether you´re a Dom/Domme or a sub. If you´re uncertain about something then don´t do it, it´s better to be safe than sorry! If you´re really curious about something then you can always do some research, there is nothing wrong with that. I would suggest that you stick with what you know and what you like, that usually leads to a good session and a lot of fun!
zondag 8 februari 2015
Taking a Dom/Domme seriously
Are you familiar with certain people online claiming to be a Dom/Domme and expect you to give them respect just because of that? Maybe if you´re a sub you´re even more familiar with these type of people online, because they expect you to serve them just because you´re a sub and he or she considers herself as a Dom/Domme. It´s stupid but unfortunately this happens!
What´s probably the worst part is that some subs actually take these ´Doms/Dommes´ serious and think that they´re really a Dom/Domme. People that expect you to give them respect just like that are idiots, the same counts for people that think they can boss you around because he or she calls himself or herself a Dom/Domme. The good thing about online communication is that you can easily block and ignore people, which makes these annoying wannabe Doms/Dommes nothing but a minor nuisance.
That doesn´t make them less annoying though, because they don´t learn anything and keep doing what they do best and that´s being stupid. I guess you can´t keep people like that from showing up in certain sites, especially when they have succes with their tricks. Perhaps you don´t see the problems with these people but they give real Doms/Dommes a bad name and that´s not a good thing!
Your first experience with BDSM is important, because a bad experience can have a big negative impact on you. These wannabe Doms/Dommes are not a good way to get familiar with BDSM and might even give the wrong impression to people that are new to BDSM. It doesn´t take an expert to figure out that these wannabes are full of shit but you´d be surprised how convincing some people can be, especially to people who have very little to no experience with BDSM.
The bond between a Dom/Domme and sub is important. Having these wannabes ruin that isn´t a good thing. Even when some subs won´t fall for it, it´s still bad that these people influence others. My advince is to be careful, don´t fall for the first Dom/Domme that talks to you and definitely don´t do anything that seems strange to you. Trust must be earned and not automaticly given!
What´s probably the worst part is that some subs actually take these ´Doms/Dommes´ serious and think that they´re really a Dom/Domme. People that expect you to give them respect just like that are idiots, the same counts for people that think they can boss you around because he or she calls himself or herself a Dom/Domme. The good thing about online communication is that you can easily block and ignore people, which makes these annoying wannabe Doms/Dommes nothing but a minor nuisance.
That doesn´t make them less annoying though, because they don´t learn anything and keep doing what they do best and that´s being stupid. I guess you can´t keep people like that from showing up in certain sites, especially when they have succes with their tricks. Perhaps you don´t see the problems with these people but they give real Doms/Dommes a bad name and that´s not a good thing!
Your first experience with BDSM is important, because a bad experience can have a big negative impact on you. These wannabe Doms/Dommes are not a good way to get familiar with BDSM and might even give the wrong impression to people that are new to BDSM. It doesn´t take an expert to figure out that these wannabes are full of shit but you´d be surprised how convincing some people can be, especially to people who have very little to no experience with BDSM.
The bond between a Dom/Domme and sub is important. Having these wannabes ruin that isn´t a good thing. Even when some subs won´t fall for it, it´s still bad that these people influence others. My advince is to be careful, don´t fall for the first Dom/Domme that talks to you and definitely don´t do anything that seems strange to you. Trust must be earned and not automaticly given!
zaterdag 31 januari 2015
Your fantasy
We all have a fantasy, well maybe some have more than one but let´s assume that we all have at least one fantasy and that´s the one thing that would make you very happy or turn you on. But what should you do with that fantasy?
It´s easy to say that you should try to make your fantasy reality, because the moment you do that it´s not your fantasy anymore but reality and reality isn´t always as nice as your fantasy. Which means you could ruin your fantasy by trying to make it reality. That kind of raises the question if it´s a good idea to make your fantasy become reality, because you don´t want to ruin your fantasy! So what do you do? You do nothing or do you carefully try to see if it´s possible to make your fantasy become reality?
I´m not trying to scare you here, if you have a fantasy and I really do mean a fantasy and not just something that turns you on then it would be nice if that could become reality. But you should be careful, because it´s easy to ruin your fantasy and that might have some serious consequences for your fantasy. You could ruin it in such a way that you want nothing to do with that fantasy, which is a shame because you should cherish your fantasy and not abuse it or waste it!
So what do you do? First of all you look if it´s possible to see your fantasy become reality, this can be harsh but it´s important that you realize if it´s possible or not because otherwise it would just be a waste of time to try and make it reality. This means that you´ll have to be honest and not try to make it work whatever the cost. If it is possible then it comes down to finding someone that is willing to make that fantasy come true with you, that might be the tricky part because what one person likes the other might not like and not everyone is willing to be a part of your fantasy. You don´t want to force people to do anything and if they´re truly sincere in making your fantasy become reality then that´s one step closer to seeing it become reality. But don´t let that make you greedy and ask for more or change things, be clear in what you want and respect the opinion of someone else. Which means that some people are willing to be a part of that but with certain conditions, if you can´t accept that then be honest about it!
Is it better to keep your fantasy as a fantasy? Sometimes it is, but it really depends on what your fantasy is. Sometimes it´s not that difficult to make it reality but unfortunately not everyone has a fantasy that is simple. So don´t be surprised if your fantasy will remain a fantasy, perhaps that is sometimes for the best. That doesn´t mean you can´t enjoy life or that you haven´t fully lived! Life is what you make of it!
It´s easy to say that you should try to make your fantasy reality, because the moment you do that it´s not your fantasy anymore but reality and reality isn´t always as nice as your fantasy. Which means you could ruin your fantasy by trying to make it reality. That kind of raises the question if it´s a good idea to make your fantasy become reality, because you don´t want to ruin your fantasy! So what do you do? You do nothing or do you carefully try to see if it´s possible to make your fantasy become reality?
I´m not trying to scare you here, if you have a fantasy and I really do mean a fantasy and not just something that turns you on then it would be nice if that could become reality. But you should be careful, because it´s easy to ruin your fantasy and that might have some serious consequences for your fantasy. You could ruin it in such a way that you want nothing to do with that fantasy, which is a shame because you should cherish your fantasy and not abuse it or waste it!
So what do you do? First of all you look if it´s possible to see your fantasy become reality, this can be harsh but it´s important that you realize if it´s possible or not because otherwise it would just be a waste of time to try and make it reality. This means that you´ll have to be honest and not try to make it work whatever the cost. If it is possible then it comes down to finding someone that is willing to make that fantasy come true with you, that might be the tricky part because what one person likes the other might not like and not everyone is willing to be a part of your fantasy. You don´t want to force people to do anything and if they´re truly sincere in making your fantasy become reality then that´s one step closer to seeing it become reality. But don´t let that make you greedy and ask for more or change things, be clear in what you want and respect the opinion of someone else. Which means that some people are willing to be a part of that but with certain conditions, if you can´t accept that then be honest about it!
Is it better to keep your fantasy as a fantasy? Sometimes it is, but it really depends on what your fantasy is. Sometimes it´s not that difficult to make it reality but unfortunately not everyone has a fantasy that is simple. So don´t be surprised if your fantasy will remain a fantasy, perhaps that is sometimes for the best. That doesn´t mean you can´t enjoy life or that you haven´t fully lived! Life is what you make of it!
zondag 25 januari 2015
Being a Dom/Domme
It´s easy to say that you´re a Dom/Domme, especially online when anyone could be whatever he or she says. But who says that you are who you say you are? I´m not even talking about men pretending to be women, I´m talking about someone who says he or she is a Dom/Domme while this person isn´t and probably has no idea what it means to be a Dom/Domme.
What really bothers me is that there are subs out there that fall for nonsense these fake Doms/Dommes tell them. Why does it bother me? Because of these fake Doms/Dommes people get the wrong idea and it hurts the BDSM community in the process, sure one or two people don´t make a difference but there are a lot of fake Doms/Dommes out there and that´s not a good thing!
Eventually these fake Doms/Dommes will make mistakes and even a new sub will sooner or later figure out that someone is fake, but it sucks that your first experience with BDSM is tied to lies and stupidity. Worst case scenario would be that it makes you dislike BDSM or makes you hesitiate to continue with BDSM, just because someone ruined it for you. Don´t give up so soon though! Because it´s worth investigating!
Being a Dom/Domme is so much more than holding a whip in your hand and shouting commands, it´s actually quite sad that there are people that think that this sums it all up. BDSM is an experience you can share with others and together you can make magic, no not the type you see in the Harry Potter movies but incredible things that you wouldn´t experience in your every day life. Is that still a bit vague? Good, because if I tell you exactly what it means then what is there left for you to discover!
What I see a lot of fake Doms/Dommes do online is act like an asshole and then expect others to respect you, I don´t know where this works but it fails in most situations. As a Dom/Domme you earn respect and that doesn´t happen by acting like an asshole towards everyone else. Also don´t expect people to always agree with you, just because you´re a Dom/Domme doesn´t mean that everything you say is the truth. The worst thing is when certain people bring their personal drama online, which might be fun for some to read but when you´re trying to talk about things that actually matter it can be quite annoying!
In the end you are your own type of Dom/Domme, there is no need to act in a certain way or else you´re not really a Dom/Domme. You don´t have to wear latex or leather, you don´t even have to use a whip! Just be yourself and if you´re truly a Dom/Domme then that´s all you need to be a Dom/Domme. You don´t wake up one day and decide to be a Dom/Domme, you´re born as one and even when you don´t realize that at first that doesn´t make you less of a Dom/Domme then those that do realize that.
What really bothers me is that there are subs out there that fall for nonsense these fake Doms/Dommes tell them. Why does it bother me? Because of these fake Doms/Dommes people get the wrong idea and it hurts the BDSM community in the process, sure one or two people don´t make a difference but there are a lot of fake Doms/Dommes out there and that´s not a good thing!
Eventually these fake Doms/Dommes will make mistakes and even a new sub will sooner or later figure out that someone is fake, but it sucks that your first experience with BDSM is tied to lies and stupidity. Worst case scenario would be that it makes you dislike BDSM or makes you hesitiate to continue with BDSM, just because someone ruined it for you. Don´t give up so soon though! Because it´s worth investigating!
Being a Dom/Domme is so much more than holding a whip in your hand and shouting commands, it´s actually quite sad that there are people that think that this sums it all up. BDSM is an experience you can share with others and together you can make magic, no not the type you see in the Harry Potter movies but incredible things that you wouldn´t experience in your every day life. Is that still a bit vague? Good, because if I tell you exactly what it means then what is there left for you to discover!
What I see a lot of fake Doms/Dommes do online is act like an asshole and then expect others to respect you, I don´t know where this works but it fails in most situations. As a Dom/Domme you earn respect and that doesn´t happen by acting like an asshole towards everyone else. Also don´t expect people to always agree with you, just because you´re a Dom/Domme doesn´t mean that everything you say is the truth. The worst thing is when certain people bring their personal drama online, which might be fun for some to read but when you´re trying to talk about things that actually matter it can be quite annoying!
In the end you are your own type of Dom/Domme, there is no need to act in a certain way or else you´re not really a Dom/Domme. You don´t have to wear latex or leather, you don´t even have to use a whip! Just be yourself and if you´re truly a Dom/Domme then that´s all you need to be a Dom/Domme. You don´t wake up one day and decide to be a Dom/Domme, you´re born as one and even when you don´t realize that at first that doesn´t make you less of a Dom/Domme then those that do realize that.
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