Attracted to you or the way you look?

It´s nothing new, people that are attracted to the way you look (especially if you have a certain picture that turns him or her on) and seem to base their entire motivation to be with you on that. It seems silly but it happens, more often than you think. A sexy outfit can get you a lot of attention, but is that attention for you or for what you´re wearing? If you can answer that question then it shouldn´t be that difficult to decide what you do with that type of attention, because if someone is just attracted to the way you look then that´s not someone worth spending time with.


Latex means sex? To some people it does, wearing latex is nice but some people have such a strong desire for latex that it makes them completely blind to anything else. Which might lead to an awkward situation when he or she wakes up the next day in bed with someone they´re not attracted to (without the latex). But it sucks if that is what it´s all about for people that are interested in you, they like what you wear but they don´t seem to really care for who you are. I guess these casual sex encounters could work for some time but I take it most people want more out of a relationship!


So it´s a bad thing to be attracted to the way someone looks? I´m not saying that, but don´t let that be the main reason why you´re attracted to someone. Don´t forget that the person wearing latex or whatever type of clothing seems to take your fancy is more than that outfit, so even if that is a huge turn on for you I would suggest not to focus too much on that. It´s nice to meet people that have more to say than how hot you look in that outfit, because that´s not a turn on for the other (well not for most people).


Of course it´s nice if you can share a fetish, for example you both love latex and if you both wear it then you can have amazing moments together. But remember not to make it all about latex or sex for that matter, there is more to a relationship than just sex! Sure it plays a part but if you base your relationship on just sex then you´re missing out on a lot of other things. But I guess we all have our own needs and ideas about that, let´s just hope you find someone that has the same way of looking at it as you!

The moment you realize that you´re into BDSM

I think it´s difficult to imagine a Dom/Domme as a kid but I doubt that many people can actually guess what kind of kid you were. Surprisingly not a bossy or dominating kid, I don´t think that this really plays a role at that point. Of course there can be subtle hints, but nothing that would clearly point out that you´d be a Dom/Domme. Then again there aren´t many things that would point out what type of person you´re going to be, you´re just too young for that and even adults can change. Everything isn´t set in stone!


So when did you realize that you´re into BDSM? Well I can tell you when I realized that I have a kinky side or at least a love for shiny things, that was something I realized in my early teen years. But a love for shiny things doesn´t make you kinky and it definately doesn´t point out that you´re into BDSM. But for me that´s how it all started, how I first heard about BDSM and my curiosity made me want to know more. I guess that´s how it is for most people in BDSM, you hear about it and/or see something about it and you want to learn more. Usually because you´re curious or even interested in what´s going on, of course there could be other motivators but this is what I´ve heard from several people so far that curiosity definately played a role!


How did it make you feel? I actually didn´t feel bad about it, I wasn´t ashamed but I realized pretty quickly that my family and friends probably won´t understand it. So I didn´t really talk about with my friends, definately not with my family! Which sucks because it´s nice if you can talk about something that interests you with other people, of course now you have the internet but back then things were a bit less social on that subject. I didn´t think that BDSM was wrong, but I did realize that I couldn´t talk about it openly with everyone that I know. Some people still think that BDSM is weird and wrong, but I´m glad that more and more people realize that it´s not as weird as they first thought. At least people seem to show a bit more respect for BDSM, even when it´s not their cup of tea.


I don´t think it´s a bad thing to discover your kinky side on an early age, I do think that it will be more difficult to meet like minded people of your own age. Maybe you have more luck online, unfortunately online contacts usually only go that far. If you want to experience it then it often comes down to people you meet at meetings or events. I guess that´s a benefit now, eventhough a lot of sites about BDSM are only for adults so as a teenager you might have to wait before you can participate on those sites. But you can find a lot of information online, there is nothing wrong with already learning about something you´re interested in!

Sex and nudity on BDSM sites

Have you noticed the amount of sex requests and/or pictures with nudity on BDSM sites? It bothers me that this is how most people seem to present themselves on these sites, like a desperate sex fiend with no real interest in BDSM. I guess a BDSM site is for a lot of people just a site to get in contact with some kinky people to have sex with. Which is a shame, but I guess it can´t be avoided....


The amount of nude pictures or even pictures of people having sex seem to get the most likes while it´s a BDSM site, it´s crazy but this is what most people on that site seem to prefer. But wouldn´t it make more sense that they go to a sex site? And if they´re looking for someone to have sex with or a relationship then there are dating sites! But no BDSM sites are probably the best place to look for a quick shag with a random stranger, especially when I look at the amount of messages I get that have this as the main subject if there is even a subject in some of those messages. It´s a shame that these sites ars so tainted with sex and nudity that there isn´t much left for BDSM.


I don´t have a problem with sex and nudity isn´t horrible, but there is a time and a place for everything and spamming a site with this doesn´t make it more fun to look at. Especially when the subjects about BDSM disappear to the background with all the talk about sex, it really sucks that this is what people seem to prefer to talk about the most. At least the majority or the most active people on the site. Making a new BDSM site doesn´t help because the people that spam with sex and nudity will just follow to that site as well. Once again there is nothing wrong with sex and nudity but it really sucks that this is what seems to be the biggest thing on a BDSM site.


What´s probably the worst thing is that it sends the wrong message to people that are new to BDSM, that sex and nudity are important in BDSM or that this is what it´s all about in BDSM. Which often leads to people that think that a professional dominatrix has sex with her subs during a session and will sometimes expect that or ask for that. I hate that, I hate that the amount of sex and nudity is making it difficult for helping people to realize what BDSM is about and people that have real questions see their thread disappear in an ocean of sex requests or stupid sex questions.


I´m not saying that sex and nudity should be forbidden on a BDSM site but it should definately be moderated, as in keep things on the subject and people that want something else can move on to another site. Maybe this is the world we live in now, where it´s all about sex and talking about other things is just not interesting anymore. Which is a shame, but it´s more and more a reality....

It´s all about trust?

I´ve heard several times that people think that in a relationship it´s all about sex, then there are people that say it´s all about respect. I´m not saying that sex and respect aren´t important, but I think that they´re forgetting about trust. Because without trust how can there be a (D/s) relationship?


It´s actually thanks to trust how I find good people among the bad ones, telling someone something in confidence and then see that this person takes this seriously and keep this a secret is something I appreciate a lot! I´m quite certain that there are more people out there that value trust a lot, because how can you be with someone if you don´t trust them? Oh sure for a one night stand trust isn´t the most important part, but in a serious relationship I find this one of the most important things. Next to love and honesty, because those are also important in a (D/s) relationship.


As a sub you have to trust your Dom/Domme, because without trust I don´t see how you can serve your Dom/Domme without hesitation or doubts. It´s also difficult to be in a (D/s) relationship when there is no trust, because how do you know that someone is loyal to you or if that person fakes his or her behaviour. Trust is more important then you might think, which seems natural but isn´t always that natural in a relationship.


I wish I could say that trust is natural and I´d say that in a way it is, but the truth is that some people can´t be trusted and that kind of shatters the trust you might have in that person. Trust is the cement that keeps a (D/s) relationship together, without it there is a good chance that it might fall apart. Once you lose someones trust then it might be difficult, if not impossible, to get it back. Which means you must thread carefully with someones trust, especially when someone is slow to trust others you might want to be honest and open about your feelings and thoughts. This way there are no surprises and things should be clear between you and your partner, which should help you improve the trust you already have with the other person.


Just think of this, when a Dom/Domme is going to whip a sub then it´s a good thing that there is trust, because without it the sub must be extremely nervous and the Dom/Domme might be uncertain about how far he or she can go. It´s just one example of how trust works in a D/s relationship, it makes things easier and better in my opinion.

I know you!

I must admit that there aren´t a lot of people that are bold enough to say that to your face, but online people can be a bit more open with their opinions and thoughts. Which is fine with me but it gets a bit frustrating when they judge you!


A lot of times this knowledge comes from the way you look or the things you say, as if that is all that is needed for someone to figure you out. If someone actually believes that then I pity that person, because that doesn´t seem like someone that has a lot of personality. Of course there is so much more to people than that! Your hopes, dreams, thoughts, wishes and maybe even a little secret. These are all things that give shape to who you are and in the end you´re the only one who knows you the best. People will only get to know you as well as you let them. Sure they might discover things if they listen to you and/or observe your behaviour, but that´s often just a glimpse of the complete picture.


In a way we all wear masks, not always to hide yourself but sometimes for protection. People that don´t know you or hardly know you will often try to figure you out by looking at your mask, they see the surface and thus you must be what you look like. Some people are indeed not that difficult to figure out, but the arrogance to think you know someone without even giving that person a chance to express himself or herself is just foolish! People can be married for years and still have secrets, which doesn´t have to be something bad but it´s sometimes a side they keep to themself.


It´s an honour to really get to know someone, when someone is willing to share who they are with you. Not what they are, but really who they are. Such a bond is more than just words, it´s a sincere feeling of trust and acceptance that is more rare than you think.

Fantasy and reality, it´s not the same!

It seems silly to actually mention this but some people have a hard time seeing the difference sometimes, I wouldn´t even be surprised if some people can´t even see the difference. Which doesn´t have to be a problem, but somehow usually does end up being a problem for him or her. Of course you can ignore other people and live in your own personal world, which is perfectly fine as long as you stick to that and not involve others in your personal world because that´s usually where things go wrong!


Porn isn´t real? Big surprise, they´re actors and the situations might seem believable (not often though) but it´s all acting. Which means people that have a hard time seeing the difference between fantasy and reality might think that what happens in porn might actually happen in real life, especially if they do exactly what they did in that movie. An example of this is subway groping, this is where some guys think it´s ok to touch women inappropriately in the subway. Of course it´s often crowded and I´m not saying that everyone is guilty, but when someone deliberately puts his hands on you then I´d recommend to scream bloody murder! It might seem like overreacting but I´ve heard plenty of stories where women are being groped by random strangers because they think it´s ok. Guess what? It´s not!


So how do you tell the difference between fantasy and reality? It might seem weird but it´s often best to assume it´s not ok than to assume that it is ok, which means don´t touch strangers just like that and respect some personal space! It´s true that some people have fantasies about being touched by a stranger but then when they´re in public it doesn´t mean they want to be groped by the first guy they see. The thing is that a fantasy is often a fantasy, something you fantasize about but it´s not always something you actually want to happen to you. Well there are exceptions but usually when it involves strangers or something extreme then it´s often just a fantasy and not something they would want to happen just like that. If someone does have a fantasy they want to become real then he or she will want to talk about that, make an agreement about it so you avoid misunderstandings.


Even when you know someones fantasy then that doesn´t give you the right to go for it just like that! In reality it´s wrong to put your hands on someone just like that, especially when the other doesn´t want you to do that. It´s better to be safe than sorry with these situations, maybe some will say that you´re a bit reluctant but it´s better to hold back and get permission than to go for it and be rejected!

Too hot for latex and leather!

I´m not talking about that you look so good that you shouldn´t wear latex or leather, which is ridiculous by the way! No I´m talking about hot Summer weather and facing unbearable moments while wearing your favourite fetish clothing. It´s the worst time of the year for everyone that can´t live without their latex or leather need. So how do you survive this season?


A simple but effective way to stay cool in latex is wearing it while you take a cool shower or sit in your bath with some cool water. It might seem weird but it actually works pretty well and of course it also feels pretty amazing! Unfortunately this doesn´t work so well for leather, at least I wouldn´t risk it! For leather you really have to find some cold spots in your house or face some unbearable sweaty moments, especially when it´s hot all day and night! Otherwise you could wear your leather outfits when the sun goes down, but don´t be surprised if it´s still too hot to wear leather. It´s actually even worse when you wear pvc, but I guess a true addict will wear whatever he or she wants!


Maybe you have to be slightly insane to wear latex or leather in the Summer, because it´s just not the best material for this time of the year. Something that you might want to avoid at all costs is rubbing against other people in latex, if you´re not hot then you´ll be hot if you do that! Once again this is the wrong kind of hot wear you sweat so much that you´re almost swimming in it. I know that some people get turned on by sweat but let´s not forget that a lot of people find it disgusting with good reason!


If you´re lucky you live in a part of the world where you don´t have any hot weather during Summer, but that often means that things are a bit colder in Winter. The good thing about Winter is that you can wear more clothes to protect yourself against the cold, unfortunately when it´s warm you need to take off clothes to cool down unless you have some serious equipment to keep yourself cool! It´s not easy to have a latex or leather fetish in Summer but to be honest you don´t need to wear latex or leather to enjoy it, which is actually a subtle hint to everyone that finds it unbearable to wear it in Summer.