Two kinksters, no dominant

This might seem weird to you but personally I don´t find this weird, because when two people both have an interest in kinky activities then why must one of them be a dominant? The most important part is that you have fun together! Maybe you´re suprised to hear this from a dominatrix, but a dominatrix isn´t all that I am. Sometimes it´s just fun to have a good time with friends, sure I can be bossy but then again that´s probably one of the reasons my friends love me. But it can go further than just friendly play, some people have a good relationship where there is no dominant present. If you keep eachother in balance then why must one exceed the other?

I´ve always been fascinated by people who have a kinky relationship but there is no sign of a D/s relationship, of course I mean with a kinky relationship more than just wearing that shiny outfit every weekend! Maybe it´s even easier without a dominant, I can´t say that I have a lot of experience in these kind of relationships. Because most people I´ve been in a relationship with clearly wanted me to be the dominant one, something I gladly accept. But wouldn´t it be nice to just have a good time with someone you care deeply for? You would be two good friends that explore and discover things about the other and about yourself. Perhaps that´s the best way to start in BDSM, not directly looking for a Dom/Domme but just finding someone like you who is new and just to have fun with.

Now don´t get me wrong, as a dominatrix I´ll always hold a big love for what I do! But as I mentioned above, it´s not all that I am. It would be pretty boring and simple if that would define all that I am. Maybe above all I´m a lover of kinky things, so that probably makes me a kinkster in my heart. In a way isn´t the love for kinky things that gets us interested in BDSM? It doesn´t even have to be all of it, but at least it all starts with a love for something different. Deep down inside you usually know what you are, but I don´t think the world is black and white. So that means that not everyone is either a Dom/Domme or a sub. Having a love for shiny things probably makes you a kinkster, playing with others in shiny things makes you a naughty kinkster and having someone lick your boots as you spank them probably makes you a Dom/Domme. Well that´s a simple way to put it, but at least that creates a picture in your mind.

So when you meet someone and he or she is into kinky things just like you, then don´t be alarmed if you or the other has no dominant side. Because a love for kinky things doesn´t mean someone needs to dominate. On the other side it also means that just because you like kinky things, it doesn´t directly make you a Dom/Domme! Some things you know by heart, other things you learn through experience. Whatever it is that you are, I hope you´re having fun with the things you do!

That rubber touch

Do you remember when you first touched rubber? Did it make you feel weird in your private place? It actually started so innocent for me, a pair of wet rubber boots. They´re purely practical, supposed to keep your feet dry. But all I could think about is touching them and not just with my hands! It didn´t take long for me from touching rubber to actually wear rubber myself, because no matter how good it looks on others I prefer to wear it myself. As strange as this might seem to you, but when I get aroused by seeing myself in rubber then I know that I´ve done a good job. Of course it´s not about getting people aroused, I don´t like to make a mess, but wearing something that makes you happy. It´s nice if what you wear also makes others happy, well sometimes some people get a little bit too happy and then they still make a mess. But I can´t deny how much I love that rubber touch, from a simple rubber glove to a whole outfit!

Sometimes this fetish gets out of control for me, I see then people doing their work but then come the rubber gloves or the rubber boots and I know that it does something with me. As much as they´re just doing their job I just want to tie them up and have my way with them, maybe something is wrong with me? Some people might actually let me get away with it but I know these desires are just naughty thoughts in my mind, still they´re tempting and good material for some interesting stories I sometimes write. It´s funny in a way how someone who is absolutely not trying to be attractive can be irresistable to you just because he or she wears something that turns you on. But there is a danger that you´re into someone just because they wear something that turns you on. That makes waking up next to them naked a day later an awkward situation. It´s great if someone wears something that turns you on, but don´t be with someone just because of that. It´s not fair towards that person and some might actually be ok with it, but let´s be honest and agree that this isn´t really material for a solid relationship. If for some reason you´re just looking for some hot sex and the other as well, then don´t feel bad about it and just do what you like. It would be nice though if you mentioned to the other what turns you on, because you don´t want to be in the situation that the other suddenly doesn´t wear rubber but satin.

Of course you can have a loving partner that doesn´t mind wearing something that you like, I think that is a big must for those with a kinky fetish. Because the same boring stuff gets old real fast if that´s all you´re going to do, spicing up your sex life is never a bad idea! So maybe you have a strange fetish, if someone truly loves you then it doens´t really matter to him or her. But it might be smart to be careful what you say, because as acceptible some people can be not everyone will accept everything! Also don´t make it all about you, sometimes it also means that you wear something for your partner. You might not always like that, but if someone does something for you then it´s only fair that you do something for him or her. Just be careful what you agree to, if you truly don´t want to do something then don´t feel forced to do it just because you did something for the other. If you really don´t like to wear a gasmask then don´t do it, I´ve seen people passing out wearing one and it´s not something you want to make someone go through. If you can´t do one thing for someone then there must be something else, don´t be afraid to say no but also try not to say no too often. I think we all have a fetish that is acceptable for the other.

Online excitement

Have you ever met someone online with whom you´ve had a pleasurable conversation and you wish he or she would live closer? Well that´s one of the risks of meeting people online, because most of them won´t live next door. It can actually be quite frustrating when someone means a lot to you but meeting that person is just difficult, mostly because of distance and the expensives that come along with that. Maybe you feel comfortable to visit someone when they´re from the same country, even if that means traveling for a couple of hours. But what if someone lives on the other side of the ocean? Then the chance of meeting him or her becomes quite small, it´s not strange that some people just aren´t that interested in anything more than just friendship with people from another part of the world. I don´t blame them, but sometimes it´s a real shame. I mean if you meet someone with whom you have a good connection, when there is clearly chemistry between you and the other then you would most likely want to explore that further. Unfortunately this isn´t always possible, which often leads to just friendly conversations or some naughty online conversations. Online conversations are nice, but when the conversation gets spicy then it´s a shame that it will only be a conversation and that any real touching will have to be done by yourself.

No matter how good your imagination is, I don´t think anything can beat to actually have the person you have feelings for with you in the room. So you can have your online conversations, your pictures and videos but it will never be as when the person would actually be there with you. So having this spicy conversation will really become interesting if you both have a good imagination and some naughty thoughts. For example I had for a moment a lot of fun writing a story with a friend online, I would start the story and then she would continue. This would go on until one of us would finish the story and start another one, this lead to some interesting and sexy conversations. It´s actually a turn on to see someone being creative, to make a world where you and the other person can do whatever you want. Now before you think that this was just about us meeting and having sex then I´ll have to disappoint you, because we actually wrote a long story with a lot of details in it. Characters with backgrounds and even a full description of the places where the story took place. I always loved getting a message from her and then I´d be interested in what she was reading, which often lead to me getting aroused by her dirty but playful mind. Oh it´s not as much fun as actually spending time together but it´s better then just talking online about what you want to do with the other person.

Personally I think your mind is probably the most sexy part of your body, if you only knew what you could do with that then you´d probably not even think about using your hands. Well maybe some of you would, I mean there are desires and a quick release might just be what the doctor has ordered. The thing is that people who talk about having sex and what they would want to do with the other are often the same idea, there is hardly ever any creativity in it and fantasies often are poorly explained. For example I could say that I like shiny things, but that´s not being clear what I really like. Some might think I get turned on by plastic or glitter, well I´m not! But even if you guess it right, yes I like latex so what will you do with that information? Are you going to tell me you´re dressed in latex and you´re horny? Well that´s not much of a story, that´s just getting to the point as fast as you can. Maybe some of you like to get it over with quickly, but some people like to enjoy certain things. When I see someone in latex I don´t think that I need to jump on this person and have sex. Oh sure the thought will run circles through my mind but that´s not interesting is it? You want to feel the latex, taste it and rub your shiny butt against it. I could write an entire chapter just what it would do to me when I see someone in latex, that is just talking about feelings and describing the scene. I´m not even talking about approaching the person in latex, that´s just all desire and naughty thoughts put into words.

So share your kinky thoughts online, be creative and find others with a similar taste as yours. But don´t be afraid to try new things, because why stick with what you know when there is so much else out there for you to discover! A word of advice though, I wouldn´t talk about fantasies in my first message to someone else. First get to know someone and you can check if there are similar interests and maybe a possible connection. Then go further from that point, that is if the other feels the same as you. Maybe distance stands in your way of being with someone, but online you can be as close as your minds will allow it!

Pretty pleather

Some love it and others hate it, but the reasons to hate it are often based on the fact that it´s not real leather. Personally I love pleather, it´s a cheaper version of leather and it´s not that different when you compare it to leather. Sure some people will say that leather is much better, perhaps that´s true but that doesn´t automaticly make pleather bad. What I also like about pleather is that it´s often a lot cheaper than leather and people won´t whine that you´re wearing an animal. I don´t know how the animal activists are in your country but here things can go pretty crazy! Have you ever been chased by people with a paint brush? Well I haven´t either, but it doesn´t look like it´s fun....

When I touch pleather I don´t feel like I´m touching something weird, all this negative talk you hear about leather is often from leather elitists. It´s often not even based on experience with pleather, a lot of time it´s just a prejudice. I´ve got pleather clothes, I like to wear them and I don´t get any comments from people that recognize pleather instantly. Also when you see someone in pleather will you really be negative? Will you say: "oh you sure look hot but I´m not interested in you because you wear pleather!" Pleather is something for people who prefer not to wear leather or just don´t have the money to buy leather, so why should it get so much negativity? I mean does someone that wears leather actually feels himself or herself better than someone that wears pleather?

The most important thing when wearing clothes is that you feel comfortable in it, don´t worry what other people have to say! Because there will always be people that won´t be positive about your style. As a goth that´s something that I encounter a lot, people that hate your style. There isn´t even a real reason for it, some people just hate to hate. Don´t let that discourage you in any way! Wear what you like to wear, don´t be afraid to try something new and if you´re a bit nervous about wearing something then first try it on and let some good friends tell you how it look on you. When I look at pleather then I see something I want to touch, I want to lick it and I want to smell it. In a way just as I want to do that with leather.

Black lipstick fantasy

I´ve noticed that a lot of people seem to have a thing for black lipstick, maybe because it´s not something a lot of women use or maybe because it just looks good. Often I get messages about people who love my black lipstick, it´s sexy and they wish I would suck them off. Unfortunately for these people I don´t consider sucking a stranger off as a fantasy of mine, so good luck with that people! But it´s interesting how people seem to like black lipstick and not always the goth look. Of course you don´t need black lipstick to have a goth look but often people seem to identify goths with black lipstick, personally it doesn´t bother me if they do but it´s a shame if that how a lot of people seem to recognize goths. Anyway black lipstick is considered as sexy by a lot of people, but what is so sexy about it?

Black is sexy! That´s a simple answer but I really think it looks good on almost everyone. Which is quite suprising that you don´t see a lot of people in black, which makes perfect sense when it´s hot outside but what about black lipstick? It looks good and if you´re looking for attention then you´ll definately get it, but you should really wear it because you like it. Never wear something because someone makes you, because I´ve had a girlfriend that tried to please me by wearing black lipstick but in truth she didn´t like it at all. Of course I value it if someone does something nice for me, but it shouldn´t be at the cost of your own happiness!

So why is black lipstick not that popular? It´s difficult to say but it has probably something to do because it´s identified with goths and when you don´t want to be seen as a goth then you´ll probably don´t want to wear it. Just remember that black lipstick doesn´t make you a goth, if you like it then you can just wear it. But don´t be suprised if people stare at you, it´s not that common and especially when you´re a man it´s considered to be weird to wear lipstick at all. But just between you and me, black lipstick looks sexy on everyone. Both men and women!

Everything or nothing

Something that really bothers me is that people these days want everything or nothing, there is no gray area. When you show pictures then it has to be nude, when you meet someone then there has to be sex. Of course this doesn´t count for everyone but I seem to notice that this seems to count for more and more people. Some people are actually skipping the introductions, they don´t really have questions for you but just want to know if you have Skype or anything like that. What happened to hi how are you doing? My name is.... Maybe that´s old fashioned and I´m a relic from the past, but I care for manners and polite interactions with eachother. If it´s all about just eating, sleeping and sex then what´s the point of it all?

I want to make one thing clear, this isn´t just about men sending women annoying messages. I´m well aware that women are in some cases just as much to blame, when they´re just looking for sex. It´s not a bad thing is it? Well it´s not, but when that´s all you´re getting then I´m not that happy about it. Not on any of my profiles is there a message that says come respond to me and we can have a quick shag. And yet that´s all I seem to be getting lately, well longer than that actually but it´s one of those moments that this is all I´m good for apparently. Sex is nice but it should never be the first thing you talk about in a message to a stranger online or someone you meet somewhere else. I know that people feel safe behind their screens and think that they can do and say whatever they want, in a way they actually can. But will it ever lead to succes? I wouldn´t count on it!

Just think of how you would respond to someone you´re attracted to in real life and when you´re interested in someone online, the rules don´t change and so the behavioiur shouldn´t change either. But we´ve all gotten so brave, we´ve all fallen so far from anything that was right. I won´t deny that online flirting is fun, but when you´re just asking to turn on your webcam and finger yourself then it´s just stupid. Apparently you´re stupid and lame if you don´t show your breasts or vagina online, because we all seem to have a right to see it. Do we? Do we really have a right to see everything? As far as I know your body is yours and you deside what you do with it! So what about subs? They let you do stuff right? Indeed, with certain rules in mind I do things that some might find questionable but it´s with agreement and not because I´m just a sadistic bitch!

So what´s the difference, where can you draw the line? Just stop asking for someone Skype or whatever you want to use to communicate in the first message, such private information must be earned and even after talking for weeks some might not give it to you. Sometimes people are just not that interested in you, it happens so deal with it! Just because you live in the same town doesn´t mean that you have to meet, so never make such a suggestion in your first message. Get to know someone, take some effort in listening and ask some questions that are related to what the person was talking about. It´s not difficult to be social, it´s not impossible to learn. Some might think there is a quick way to get lucky, I won´t disagree but you´ll often have to pay for that luck! If you´re ok with that then go for it, just don´t expect women you meet online to do the same. To all women that might read this, remember that you don´t need to do anything you don´t want to! Even as a sub you have choices, you don´t have to do something you really don´t want to. Especially not to some douchebag online who thinks he owns you! You can show pictures you´re comfortable with, if you don´t want to put nude pictures then don´t do it. Remember you decide what you do with your body, not someone else!

Desires

I think we all have a moment in our life that we have a desire for someone or something, maybe some people have more than one or multiple at the same time. It would really depend on the person having the desire what type of desire it would be and if he or she would have more than one. I don´t think having a desire for someone or something is a bad thing, as long as you play by the rules. Because nobody wants unwanted attention, just remember that you know when to back off and move on. It sucks if someone doesn´t share your feelings, but that´s part of life and you´ll just have to move on. I guess romantic movies will give you some type of hope that opposites attract and in some cases that might be so. But as much as you might want it to, your life is not a movie and there isn´t always a happy ending. This might be cold and harsh, but that´s how it is and whining about it won´t change anything!

A lot of people will probably have a fantasy of some sort, maybe an attractive woman in latex or a man dipped in chocolate. There is nothing wrong for wanting that, but never force such a fantasy on someone. I´ve had a girlfriend that didn´t like latex or leather, I never forced her to wear anything she didn´t want to. Being in a relationship means you give and you take, but it doesn´t mean you force and you take. It´s of course nice if your partner shares your fantasy or has no objections to make that fantasy come true. Unfortunately this doesn´t count for everyone and it sucks if the person you love has no interest in your fantasies. I guess you can talk about it and maybe make a deal, she does something for you and you do something for her. But it´s tricky, sometimes your fantasy can scare someone away and that fear can keep you from telling something you really want. I think when you´re in a relationship and you really love someone and the other really loves you then you should be able to talk about anything. But just to be safe, certain things are probably better left out. If you want to be a human toilet then I don´t think your partner would like that, so it´s not a stupid idea to think before you say something. I´m not a big fan of keeping secrets when I´m in a relationship, but I think when it comes to something extreme you might feel more tempted to keep certain things a secret unless you´re absolutely certain that he or she wouldn´t mind.

But getting back to when someone doesn´t see you as you see them, an unanswered love. I would recommend not giving up too soon, if you really love someone and the other shows a little bit of interest then you can do your best to win them over. Write poems, sing a song (if you´re a good singer, nobody wants to hear how a cat gets strangled!), organize something special for that person or just be yourself and spend some good quality time together. It sucks when you´re in the friend zone, when they can´t see you as more than just a friend. Maybe it´s even worse when you´re a very good friend but still nothing more. That´s frustrating but it happens and there is nothing you can do about it. Because being persistent and bothering that person with your affections might not help you advance with your plans. Perhaps being that good friend might actually help you get closer, don´t be too disappointed if that´s what you are to them. Show that person who you are and what you can be for him or her!

So desires, what to do with them? Well you could other people about them and maybe find someone with a similar interest. Of course you probably should be careful where you would put such information. But probably most of the time you´re here on Earth you´ll be keeping desires to yourself, because it´s not easy to confess them to others and even when you do then it´s not always easy finding someone that would be interested in that. But never say never, we´re not that unique that we don´t share similiar interests. About twenty years ago I thought I was the only one that got turned on by latex, well that turned out to be more popular then I first thought. Life is full of suprises, so never be afraid to tell someone what´s on your mind. But I would suggest to think before you speak, you don´t want to spill your deepest and darkest desires to someone who has absolutely no interest in them!